I've only been in two relationships and the two have been with guys. I didn't start dating until I was 19. Recently I had an sexuality crisis and I really had to question what I really was. I was the type of person to fall for people's personality rather than their physical apprance. At first I assumed I was bisexual because I found myself attracted to both men and women but it was much deeper than that. I fall for them emotional. I've been reading up about demi-sexuality and I've realized that some of the qualities match me. I'm not really interested in a sexual relationship unless I'm emotionally connected with that person. Demi-sexuality explains a lot about my dating habits and I'm glad I have a grasp on that.
When I first read about demisexuality I felt like I had an epiphany... It is what made everything else fall in place for me... I am the same exact way as far as only feeling attracted to people after really getting to know them and connecting with them... I never fully realized that was the issue, until I did... and once I did, it just explained so many different eccentricities from my past.... I actually have only fallen for one guy, which made me so goddamn confused for years really, because before that I was "straight" lol... After that I was confused Especially since I had only fallen for girls in the past... So I thought I was straight for a bit after and just assumed the gay attraction I felt was just a fluke, or me being confused, etc... Once I had gotten more comfortable about it, I allowed myself to say I was bisexual (to myself lol), but honestly didnt quite feel right still... I felt like I could not even explain my reasoning if questioned about it because I had only liked one guy ever before.... Until I read about demisexuality... Then I realized the reasons behind so many past behaviors and circumstances lol.. For example the reason why 3 times I was questioned as gay when asking girls out, like I asked them out and they would get confused having thought I was gay the whole time.. Which I laugh about now, but did NOT help at the time... It also helps explain my last relationship, where I fell for a girl I hated when I met.. Like she had dated a friend years ago and in a melodramatic fashion almost broke up my group of friends...After that we all still hung out, and even though I originally hated her, I ended up falling for her years later... I even found the things that pissed me off about her before somehow attracted me to her.. It was weird lol... Have you ever fallen for someone you hated? That can be awkward to say the least... Anyways, demisexuality is what helped me realize I dont really give a damn about pronouns at all... That is just not what determines my attraction.... In fact while I have never really experienced it, I have considered it and I would bet pansexual is a better description for me technically speaking... I use bi because I live in Texas.. bi is discriminated again enough without identifying using a term that NO ONE knows... Sure most people are sort of ignorant about bisexuality, but EVERYONE is ignorant about pansexuality... The only thing I have realized that is a negative thus far, is that it makes finding motivation to date pretty difficult... Something I have dealt with my whole life and finally realize why... I suppose it really helps though because now that I know, I am far more willing to date someone in hopes of getting that "connection" with them, where before I would have just thought I wasnt interested and moved along... Not sure if this is what you were looking for when you posted, but I read your post and figured I would just share some of my experiences
At first I thought I was bi and demi. I'd only been with men, never fell for them physically, but mentally. Then I dated a woman and opened myself up to that and WHOA! Not bi, not demi, but lesbian. How the hell did I push all those feelings aside?
That's awesome you figured out something about yourself and feel more aware. I realized I fit the demi grey area when I was just a little older, in my early 20's. Its probably the major reason I didn't realize I was also bisexual. I'd only liked 2 people up to that point and they were both male. I too had that lightbulb moment after discovering what demisexuality meant. I think I was just surfing the internets randomly and stumbled across it. After reading the definition, I looked up more stuff on it, and the more I read the more I was like "wow! This sounds like me!" For the longest time I thought I was just messed up and different. Its a label I don't mind keeping because I feel it's necessary in order to explain myself when it comes to more intimate related things. It's nice to have a reason too, instead of saying I don't know why I am the way I am.
"The only thing I have realized that is a negative thus far, is that it makes finding motivation to date pretty difficult... Something I have dealt with my whole life and finally realize why... I suppose it really helps though because now that I know, I am far more willing to date someone in hopes of getting that "connection" with them, where before I would have just thought I wasnt interested and moved along..." ^This is exactly my issue right now dating right now is so hard for me. It doesn't help that I'm slowly getting uninterested in talking to males and more of an interest in finding a woman to be with. The hard part is that I am socially awkward and have no idea how to approach women. Also dating seems like a chore right now everyone is so interested in hooking up it's pretty hard to develop an emotion connection with them. Thanks for the prospective :3
I soooo understand about the whole dating scene - I abhor it and I'm not exaggerating. I haven't dated for years (in the typical 'hi my name is...meet you for dinner at 6 deal). The problem that inevitably follows then, is that I end up falling for people in close proximity and this can be very sticky. Like work, activity groups, etc. And until I stumbled across the term demi, I thought i was a freak - I couldn't date like others, I wasn't connecting (because I'm not emotionally attracted to men) and most guys I dated did not want to wait past the 3rd date for sex. So for their sake and mine, I gave up dating them. I've been thinking seriously lately about how to approach dating women that I don't already know; I don't like the thought of it to tell you the truth...maybe I should get over that feeling.
The way I understand demisexuality and identify with it, is that it relates to immediate or delayed sexual attraction. Not gender attraction. As in you can be demisexual and attracted to all genders (ie bi/pansexual). But you can also be a straight male who's demisexual, that is to say, you only experience sexual attraction towards women and only when you feel close to them.
Linthras, that is exactly it. It's more how one approaches building a relationship leading to sexual intimacy than about orientation. And I could be wrong, but I think I read somewhere that it is included on the scale of asexuality. Anyone else know more about this? It seems like that could be true, as I can certainly take or leave sex....until I have formed that emotional bond. Funny thing is, I can be sexually attracted to men without the emotional part (don't act on it); but not so with women. I'm weird...
