Boyfriend came out as gay, do we stay together or break up?

Unfortunately, nobody on this forum can tell you what to do. You need to figure out what's right for you given your personal values and the particulars of your situation. Having said that, I have some questions that might help you think this through.

I don't buy the "sexually attracted to both men and women, but romantically gay". What does this mean? If he's attracted to women sexually, then he should also be attracted to them romantically. Is the desire to stay in the relationship with you strictly pragmatic or based on some real romantic attraction? I think he needs to get real about his sexuality. Have you guys googled the Kinsey scale? Perhaps that's a better model for his sexuality. Knowing where he falls on the Kinsey scale might be helpful as well. For me knowing if he's gay or bisexual (and Kinsey score) would make the decision a lot easier.

Why not come out to the son? It's 2016 and kids today are very accepting.

If he is truly gay, then why would you want to stay in a relationship with him? It's not a match. Why settle and compromise?

 

I agree with Sienna Fire Many good points were brought up. Personally I think if he want's A relationship with green mint as much as he says he does then he should be willing to A commitment & marriage. Then she can go ahead with having A child now. Instead of waiting. If it doesn't work out later. They can divorce. This way they can both gain something from the relationship. I would also like to conclude that if he's having sex with her & men then he's not gay. Like her he's Bi Sexual. If not then I can't see the point in having A relationship with him. However that's just my opinion. Good luck with your decision green mint.(*hug*)

 

Agreeing with many of Sienna's points.

1. If he's saying he's "gay" I'd take it as him saying he's gay. Say he was only sexually attracted to you. I get that. I find men sexually attractive at times, but I'm not really that into them romantically, which is why relationships never seem to work out. So how can you both have a full relationship with sexual attraction and nothing more? If he is in fact saying he's only sexually attracted to you without being romantically attracted to you, then that means he can't have the emotional connection that a relationship thrives off of. Do you want that for yourself? I imagine it could wind up being emotionally abusive in some way.

2. You're worried that he's going to break up with you when his son turns an age he's comfortable telling him at. I think you may be onto something here. I'd be weary that he was using me for a relationship because he's not comfortable being out of the closet yet. He hasn't fully accepted himself. He's obviously scared. People do stupid things when they're scared, like continue having a straight relationship to hide that they're gay. Another circumstance where you could wind up getting really hurt.

3. You're worried that at 30 you won't be able to build a life with someone else? Idk. Please get that out of your head. Who even gets married before 30 anymore? I'm
Going to be 30 in a few years. I'm not even close to having a full fledged relationship where I'm planning to have a baby. In fact it gives me severe anxiety to think about bein married or having a baby at my age. But to each their own. Women have babies until they're in their 40s. I really wouldn't worry about not being able to start a family. I would, however, be worried to start a family with a man who tells me he's gay and only romantically into men. I'd have a real honest talk with him.

Don't compromise yourself. Not for anyone. And definitely not at your age.

Good luck.

 

I agree with this, right here. Informed choices.

 

Why not cool off for the meantime? Just a little time out. Let him sort this out on his own. And like YeahpIdk, I agree that you do not compromise yourself. While he's sorting out his own thing, be available to possible and potential partner who's ready to commit to you.

 

I don't really buy the "sexually attracted to both men and women but romantically gay" bit very much. I agree with the posts above. Don't settle and compromise if it isn't going to benefit either of you in the long run.

 

A meaningless thing to say without actual experience with guys, and a good indication that's he's still in denial.

From what you've written here, he sounds bisexual. This contradicts your original post, where you said he came out as gay, which helped to improve his depression. My gut tells me he's closer to a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale, although you haven't posted enough for me to say this with high confidence. This would be a lot easier if your BF were doing the posting.

My advice to you is to encourage him to find an LGBT therapist who can help him understand his sexuality.