I've very probably asked this before, but... I feel I'll soon be reaching the point where I really should tell my partner about my questioning, etc., or just keep quiet and carry on building a life together. I just think about all the things I'd be losing, and it feels like such a big risk. How do I really know it's not just a whim? I don't want to be with any other man, and I don't really feel that I could find a better relationship with a another man, so part of me thinks it'd be better to stay. The other part of me could easily do without some aspects of our relationship and doesn't enjoy our lack of connection, so on that score I probably should leave. Has anyone ever regretted leaving their opposite-sex partner?
I've been separated from my ex-gf (of 14 years) for 18 months now. I am working 70 hours a week trying to pay my own way with everything and keep bill companies off my ass. Things have been very difficult financially for sure, but even so I have absolutely no regrets over our split.
I am sat here thinking the very same thing. Difference is, my husband knows. He's promising me allsorts, in order to save an already dysfunctional marriage. Decision making is shit.
Glad I'm not alone in wondering about this. I suppose I just don't want to regret anything either way. I saw your thread on that, hexamum, but I didn't have any helpful advice. I can see that the fair approach is to just tell my partner, rather than him be unknowingly in a relationship with somebody who's not attracted to him.
I don't know yet if leaving is worth it because I haven't yet left. I do know that I don't regret coming out.
Yeah I think coming out makes a lot of sense either way, honesty is so important. But leaving is a different question. Do you love him because you need him or do you need him because you love him?
That's a hard question! I love him because we've shared a lot and he's the father of my daughter, but I'm not 'in love'. We've not said that to each other for two years, I think. We're not affectionate or anything. He only cuddles, etc. when he wants sex. I think we need a serious discussion regardless of my sexuality.
Yup, I was the same. I was also debating even coming out to him. Because.of the marriage issues, I was ready to leave regardless. I thought it'd make do all the "we can work this out" spiel, so I figured coming out would stop that. I was wrong. He's still doing it. :/
I'm a firm believer that if it's meant to be, both parties will keep trying to make it work regardless of the level of honest communication between them. If you truly want to be with someone then you want to be with them even when you know everything about them. And if it's not meant to be, usually having that honesty is what ultimately finalizes the decision to leave. Either way you learn more about what you feel. It sounds like you're on the right track... a serious discussion. Maybe not just about your sexuality, but also about the relationship? I know it's hard but... this is your life and you are worth having what you really want in life. (*hug*)
What is your sexuality? Lesbian or bisexual? I feel like It's a bit easier for bisexual women to stay in an opposite sex marriage. They're still attracted to men, and most straight men are fine with them sleeping with/dating women on the side if that's what they're missing. For lesbians, It's not really good or healthy to stay in a straight marriage since the attraction is missing. You can love your partner, but It's more in a friendship like way. The passion is missing. Overall, It's better to leave in this situation. You will feel hurt to lose a good friend you love, but It's better in the long run to be with someone you're attracted to. Even when children are involved, children can sense when their parents are unhappy and do better with a happy divorce. The only real issue is finances. I sort of think if it like being a straight girl, but dating a man who's personality isn't great and who is not sexually compatible with you in bed. If you love him as a friend, It's hard to leave, but the unhappiness persists if you don't.
These same thoughts have crossed my mind. I could avoid mentioning the sexuality stuff altogether, and just focus on relationship issues. But, then how do I explain I've no interest in working on the relationship? Sorry, you're have a hard time. (*hug*) Thank you. We'll have a talk and see where we both are. We don't communicate that much, so I don't really know how he's feeling. My orientation was lesbian for a few weeks, but then I was asked why it was lesbian when I was in a long-term relationship with a man, so I changed it to 'not straight' as I felt that was a more accurate representation of my situation. There's never been any passion. I've always worried why, and not really though too much about it, until a year or so ago. To be honest, sex is uncomfortable and I keep pushing his hands away from me, I can't stop myself from doing it.
