Not really a coming out story but today I kinda just blurted it out that I have been questioning everything. It was unplanned but I suddenly had this bizarre overwhelming feeling of "this is the moment and it will never come again" and I took it. I never used the words "I'm gay" or anything like that, but I just put the word out there to my family that I'm sorta questioning where I fit in to the whole thing. Which is true. I have changed my "Orientation" there in the sidebar about 40 times since being on these forums while I figure it out, but for right now I'm OK with whatever it says. And, to my surprise, so is my family. Things that I thought mattered... didn't. I had imagined them entirely. I got complete love no matter where I hang my hat. It was kind of a none issue as long as I'm happy. Amazingly, no one said "I already knew!"... LOL Anyway, it's not a big deal for now - might be a big deal in the morning when I come to my senses and realize what I've unleashed - but for now it's good and I feel like I got a green light to proceed however I wish. So that's it. Take from it what you will. I feel better, and I hope this boring-ass story from an Internet stranger in his 30s! Holy Shit! ... gives you some encouragement as well.
Hey, way to seize the moment! I'm glad you had such a positive, loving reaction from your family. I hope it helps you sleep well tonight and that tomorrow still seems bright!
I'm so thrilled for you. I told you back in August that your fears of other people's reactions weren't real, and never had been. Now you know it too.
I'm so happy for you! I know to a lot of people it might not seem like a big deal but to the people on this forum we know exactly what that took and you must be feeling so relieved and happy. Well done you!
Congratulations! :icon_bigg I sometimes get the urge just to blurt out that I've been questioning. I don't know where it comes from, but I always push it aside. Well done to you for just going for it!
Thanks everyone for the replies! I'm OK today and have talked a bit more openly about it. The weight off my back is enormous even if I don't have a solid footing on what it means for the future yet. I think most importantly though, is that I still feel like "me". I didn't suddenly become someone else entirely.
I don't mind "I'm not really that surprised" but if someone were to scream out "I TOTALLY KNEW!" ... then I'd totally HULK OUT! LOL I told another close family member yesterday and it also went well. I might never opt for rainbow flag trousers but telling just a couple people has been a great boost and relief.
There have been a few times I've almost threw it out there in a playful manner just to gauge reactions, but I really don't want to say it out loud. Hopefully someday I'll get there, but I am so happy for you for taking that step!
Thank you! It's been a few days now and while I'm glad it's out there, I still feel pretty confused. I think I might actually be one of those people who can never fully say I'm this or that and that labels really aren't helpful. But that's OK because the people most important to me don't care either way. The freedom of knowing that is really amazing. I will say that over-thinking the whole coming out bit isn't always as helpful as you might think. 10 minutes before I "blurted it out" I had no intention of doing it. I just knew when that moment came I had to get it out of my system or it would never ever come around again. The timing was awful but perfect all at the same time.
I identify with that really well. For some reason before I came out to myself and others, I had internalised so much fear that I'd no longer be " me" and that I'd have to start acting differently or something. After I did come out, I realised nothing has changed other than I feel more comfortable with myself, and in that alone, I'm more "me" than I've ever been...
I totally agree that after coming out, one becomes more oneself than ever before, but I also think that something does change externally — maybe not one's behavior, but the way one is perceived by other people. I've been out a little over two years, and old friends now comment on how "relaxed" I am or how happy I seem. I don't think I "act" gay, and yet three times in the last month I've had interactions with perfect strangers in which they've simply assumed I am — the first time was in San Francisco, which perhaps is not surprising (except to me!), but the second and third were in Rome, where people are much more circumspect and unlikely to voice suspicions.
QuestionMark99, you're not the only one still feeling some confusion after coming out. I'm feeling relief, but also a bit of "what the hell did I just do?" It's going to take me time to come to full acceptance that I'm gay. It helps that the people around me, including my wife, have been and continue to be amazingly supportive. It's only been about 2 months since I blurted it out to my wife for the first time. It's going to take some time to fully change my mental picture of myself. It took 40 years of suppressing part of myself; I don't have another 40 years to undo it so I'm trying to make the transition as quickly as I can.
There is a feeling of complete exposure to it all that is a bit unsettling. From the outside looking in one might wonder why I bothered to do it at all - I'm not looking to find a partner, not really interested in romantic relationships, and I don't know that I'll ever bother tell my extended family at all unless I did actually end up dating someone. But at home with my very close family, it needed to be said. It was eating me alive keeping this massive thing from them. It was becoming toxic to my psyche. So even if I end up single for eternity, I have a better and healthier relationship with the few people that mean the most to me. They know me completely.
Yay! (&&&) Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I have not come out to my parents yet, but your story gives me inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing, and I am so happy it went so well! Those are very wise words you posted above. I have been postponing telling my parents because I am not in a relationship yet. But you hit the nail on the head about the hiding something becoming toxic. I am rapidly approaching the point where I am just going to have to say it. I am also still slightly confused, since I have zero experience, and would have liked to be that extra 10% certain, but at a certain point I think I will just have to take the leap. What you said about having a better and healthier relationship with the people that mean the most to you is really amazing. I hope that I can have that, too!
Thank you! In the days since I find myself not even really thinking about it as being gay or bisexual or pansexual or anything like that, it's about being free and open and not having that weight to carry anymore. THAT is a way bigger deal than any sexuality label. Obviously every family is different and every reaction is different, so I'd never try tell you what to do, but I do wish you the best and hope you find that inner freedom that I've found. You deserve that too!
So true. You did not become someone else. I had a friend tell me that when I came out to her and even to hear those words were comforting. I am proud of you for being who you are QM. Very inspiring.
