Hi. I have been married to a man for almost 20 years and we have 4 children together. The marriage has not been going well -- I stay home with kids and he is an extremely successful workaholic business man. I have been best friends with a woman, a bit older than me. In the past 10 months I have come to realize that I am in love with her. I have really been interested in her for three years yet never considered it was sexually interested until recently. I never had a lesbian relationship or thought to pursue one. Honestly, I don't care of I would be a lesbian, or any label or what that would do to my world. I do know I have been attracted to her for some time. She is happily married and I would never do anything to jeopardize her marriage. We are incredibly close and since I still have young children, I need to be married. Yet, i have such a deep attraction to my friend, who is straight. So, my question is -- to be in love with someone whom you cannot have a relationship with, yet be so close to her -- like sisters -- has its challenging moments. I don't want to lose my friendship and I wouldn't tell her...yet, what does someone do in this situation?
Before you fall too deeply, I strongly sugges to take a time out from her. This is for your own good. Unrequited love is the most worst painful love one can ever have. At first you think you can endure. After a while your heart gets tired because it's not nurtured. You might get depressed. It sucks but you've got to protect yourself. You don't have to give up your friendship but spend less time time with her. It's up to you if you want to tell her. If she's really straight, my suggestion remains. If she's bi then that's another story. Good luck.
I know this is a very difficult situation to be in, because I'm in it myself. She remains married and I would not want to sleep with her, but I do want to be very close to her physically because she and I have such a close emotional bond (and I find her adorable so I want to hold her and be near her). When you say 'very close', can you elaborate? Do you comfort each other, lay in each others arms? Do you mean Intellectually and emotionally close? Any of these things can be very satisfying, as long as you are content with no sexual behavior (you have to define this for yourself boundary wise). And therein lies the hard part of these kinds of relationships. I would say, enjoy what you have with her for what it is (these kind of close bonds to come around too often) - cheating in my opinion would not be good for your bond you've developed with her because cheating erodes trust and that's what friendship and love is based upon.
Having been in many unrequited love scenarios, I feel your pain. I can only imagine it's worse if you're close friends already. It may be a good idea to take some time away from your friend to reassess. It doesn't sound like you're interested in ending your marriage because of your young children, and you said she is also married and straight. You have a difficult path ahead. But time and distance may make things easier for you. Telling her may end the friendship altogether, I wouldn't recommend this. I once told a woman I was in love with I had feelings for her (she was straight and married too, and at the time I was married to my ex-husband) and I had to resign from my job under threat of being fired (I worked with her) and she wanted nothing at all to do with me after that. Stupid I know. So be careful . . . and best of luck.
I'm going through the same thing as well. A guy I met a few months back and really hit it off with has now become my best friend. And now I've recently realized that I'm in love with him. It's weird and strange because I'm also married with children, and he's also straighter than an arrow. I came to the decision that our friendship was too valuable to jeopardize with a feeble attempt at hoping he maybe riding the curious train. This is also a decision you are going to have to make. If you know that it's a feeble pursuit, then decide whether or not you can still bear a friendship with her. If so, then you have your answer. Best of luck! Kyboan
