So 11 years ago I decided I was gay but all I've done since I slee with women. Now that hugely in part due to my mother. She decided I should date straight while putting me on meds and it's been a roller coaster ever since. Back when I said I was gay I wasnt sure, I was confused, drug induced, so I complied but grew in awareness. They don't like that. 11 years later I am left with what seems like an addiction cause I just don't jerk off to men, dont wonder about men, yet find myself gay. To me it seems the real me in beneath the addiction but alas when I convince myself to take the path, I find my parents stating things like "those are the kind of girls he likes" he being me and the kind of girls being sloozies and tramps. So much has this bothered me that I've ruled my parents out. I'm 40 now and I found myself without a job after my behavior. Not because I couldn't do the job, more so because of my drive to fuck a gal. Psychiatry was torture, always being put on the spot, are you gay, are you transfer, are you bi, the constant bomardment made me left the 2nd psych I had. The first one just gave up. But not until after first giving me an embolism from the drugs. So Im mad. I'm mad cause half my life I've lived as a straight man, and when I realized what I was I was negated. And now I have literally no one. And to be truthful I'm not fine with that. I'm not fine because I rather be having a good time with my estranged family and what not. My friends, they had to be pushed aside, and they didn't seem to mind. When I came out to one of them he said not to use that as a last resort. What an ass. I slept in his bed by his side when we were young. I ate with his family. I was one of their sons. ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 01:40 AM ---------- Nobody likes to have their flaws pointed out. My advice to anyone in the same situation is to walk away and don't look back. Anyone worth your time will come back. And listen to your gut.
Hi Ppphill, Did you come out to your parents? And then they tried to kind of ignore that and want you to lead a straight life? If you don't mind me asking why we're you put on the meds? And if you don't jerk off or think much about guys you obviously still feel a stronger attraction to guys to be feeling gay? Sorry for all the questions - just trying to understand a bit better your situation. I mean sure you're 40 but you've still a lot of life to find someone and enjoy life. It's not like your 80! Are you fully out or out at all or just your parents?
