I'm coming out more and more, but seem to be also jumping back in the box more aswell. As far as husband is concerned. The more I think of the upheaval and disruption to the littles, I just want to hide away again. But I'm not sure I can. Husband is making promises of a more exciting sex life. Of trying to sort our issues. But my brain just isn't going to be there, is it? So far I've come out to my daughter (19) a couple of online friends, my mum and my best friend (last night) I have enough people on my side to be confident to so this. I just don't feel strong enough to tear down his whole world like this. Such shit dilemmas. :'(
Yes. He knows. But doesn't know that anyone else knows. I told him that I love him, (because I do) and I fancy women. He's taken my love for attraction, not just love, I think. He's said about all these fixes for our marriage and sex life. He's like a roller coaster, and I hate myself for it.
I think you need to be really clear with him about what you want, and where the issues in your relationship are. If they can't be fixed, then I think you need to be clear about that. It'd be worse to stay with him because you don't want to cause him upset, only to cause him more upset in a few years time when it all resurfaces. I know it's horrible and scary, but if the problem aren't fixable and are only going to come back, it's probably better to be clear now. I've not told my partner anything (yet), so not sure if that helps or not. Congratulations on all your progress so far! Amazing! And also proof of how strong you really are!
It sounds like he either doesn't understand what's going on, or that he wants to convince himself this will work out to avoid his own pain. I'm not sure which is which. But if you're truly a lesbian, trying to fix the marriage won't make this go away. It's unfortunate you both have to deal with this.
It was relatively easy with the others. Nothing really to change if they blasted me. With husband, it'll involve moving out, with the kids. Relocating and everything inbetween.....which I can do, but his heartache. Oh, I feel so bad. :'( ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 06:47 PM ---------- If I could solve this by living in the same house, him fix all his issues, but not be physical anymore, I'd be a happy woman. But even though he won't see it, it wouldn't be fair on him. :/
You're not alone here. I've posted a question about this before, I think, and read quite a few other threads on how people manage the guilt. I've not been in that position yet, but lots of people on EC have. I don't know much about your husband's situation, but I can relate to the feeling of being happy to live together, without needing to be physical. I've often thought that, but not a realistic option, or one I would be happy with for more than a few months.
I think more explanations and honesty is needed. We've been swapping these emails. I think maybe I am guilty of sugar coating things. Trying to spare his feelings. And given that I'm dealing with two separate issues (the marriage and my sexuality) I guess they get mixed.
It's a difficult situation, and I think it's normal to want minimize the hurt caused. Hope further explanations go well.
I think if you really fancy women it wont matter if hes swinging from the chandelier you'll still feel the same. Why dont you split up with him and just remain good platonic friends?. It will hurt him in the long run if you stay with him but really want to be with women.Plus that will most likley really do your head in. He'll get over it in time and meet someone more suitable I would imagine.In life we all move on because we just have to.
How was your weekend? Anything new come about in your emails with one another? I find that weekends are either amazing or awful, depending on how much we focus on the kids versus each other. This weekend we were in our own crap, therefore it was not a good time. When we focus on them, everything seems so much better. It's very confusing to both work on sexuality along with marriage issues, I agree. I hope you've been able to talk with more people to get this out in the open. As much as we might want to put this back in the box, it sure doesn't fit anymore does it?
The weekend was.....uneventful. Nothing else has been actually spoken. And no emails have been swapped. He has cuddled me a couple of times, which has freaked me a little. I want so desperately to cuddle him back. Not because it's him, but just because I'm naturally a tactile person, and I'm missing the contact. But I know if I did that, he'd read a million things into it, so it's just not worth it. I've been doing a lot of my hobby, so haven't been going to bed at the same time. It's easier if he's asleep first. Everything seems to be hanging on the next move.
