Hi, 55 and still don't know what i want. It seems that i'm still growing more and more to the gay side. I've all ways had sexual attraction to men an women. In my 20th it was around 30% men and 70% women I think a 2 on de Kinsey scale. In my 30th and 40th it was like it was growing from 50% / 50% to 70% / 30% say a 4 on the Kinsey scale. Now it al most 90%/10%. say a 5. Unfortunately I see my self still as heteroromantic the romantic side did not grown with it. I ask my self often is this because i got internalized homophobia or is there an other reason. It would be easy if it was paralell on each other. The problem now is that i would like to have real relationship with somebody but I really don't anymore if I should go for a women or a man. A good notion should be: " well it's gonna be the one you fall in love with and one day she or he crosses your path". But thats the problem because if I want a man. I will have to really find it online or in the gay scene. I wish there was a way to get it line with each other. Than I should, I think, make the choice to being gay. What will I do? Is this Familiar to anyone! I should like to solve this once and for all, because it running my head to much.. Greetz Quick reply to this message Reply Reply With Quote Reply With Quote Multi-Quote This Message
Hi, If you are smart enough to compute the areas under the Kinsey scale graph, then you are probably smart enough to know what you should do. What's holding you back? PS - Congrats on your first post to EC after lurking for 5 years (!)
What do you mean? I don't understand you... ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 09:28 PM ---------- Holding back on what?
Let me give you my take on your situation. Given that you identify as a Kinsey 5, you are 90% gay and dating another man is most likely to bring you the most fulfillment. There is no scientific evidence to substantiate that sexual and romantic attractions are separate. Thus as a Kinsey 5, you will be more attracted to men romantically than women. Now it's quite common for people who are still accepting the gay side of their sexuality to take some time before they can see themselves romantically involved with members of the same sex. Part of this is overcoming your internalized homophobia as you mentioned. As you get more comfortable with the idea of being gay, you will want to start dating guys. As a result, your heteroromantic tendencies are transitory until you become more comfortable with the idea of being gay and loving another man.
Can you point to this? I doubt very much EC recognizes these differences. Chip (an EC admin) has stated many times that there is no credible scientific evidence to support the notion that sexual and romantic orientation are separate things. One's sexual orientation determines both sexual and romantic attraction. Thus since you are a Kinsey 5, you will be romantically more attracted to men as you get more comfortable with your sexual orientation as I posted originally in #4. Sure, there may be people on EC who may identify as heteromantic bisexuals; however, that does not mean that their label is backed by sound scientific evidence or recognized by professionals. I'm sure if you ask enough people you'll find somebody who will give you the answer that you want to hear, but this doesn't invalidate my take which has evidence behind it.
If you go the main forum, you find under the support area "sexual and romantic orientation" ... ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2016 at 01:37 AM ---------- Well scientific evidence you will not find easily because research is almost always done with homosexual people seldom with bisexual people... And evidence may be there because I'm telling you. Why should i tell it first to a researcher and then he is telling it to you. What is wrong with if I tell you? I think I know better what I feel and experience than this researcher.., But maybe you're right and it's just internalized homophobia.., but I'm a very open guy. Grown up in an open society. I could handle it to be gay. I can't handle my doubt's, those are really annoying... ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2016 at 01:47 AM ---------- Maybe you should step out your comfort zone.(EC) And visit bisexual.com My inbox of today brings up several people who recognize this... I'm not the only one!
Don't shoot the messenger please. You don't like what I have to say because I'm closer to the truth than you care to admit. You are clinging to the possibility that you are not gay because you have romantic feelings only for women. Go ahead and keep lying to yourself. I can sleep at night because I'm a Kinsey 5 and have come out as gay. Let the others weigh in. One day you will see the truth in what I say. Good evening.
Tnx.., I think you are also a believer that bisexuals don't exist. That because so many young gay people start to call them self in the first place bisexual. But i see that as the other way around. Not bisexual people are the liars the gay guys misused the term bisexual. And well at such a big scale that whole gay community believed that a bisexual automatically must be a closeted gay. With all the discrimination from gay people to bisexuals. It is still a taboo and the two worlds are still seperated...
Freemind265 I am a bisexual and have known about it since I was a kid. How? Well, I had romantic feelings for a boy when I was 13 to 16. Felt pretty much the same as it felt for girls later on. So, I had a chance to understand how you can feel both sexual and romantic feelings for both sexes. But, I really wanted to be with a woman. It was easier and I related better to women emotionally. But, that is also probably because the math worked better. i.e. There were more women that I found attractive that were interested in a relationship than men. The numbers worked better. I think a lot of us fall into the trap of deciding it is "just sex" when we develop intimacy with members of the same sex. It is a form of denial. I think it is important to accept that you could feel an emotional bond to another man and be open to it. You may be surprised.
@nickw Yes I think I have to open up to men. I will try to find Mr. Right and give it a chance... Tnx for your reaction.
Why do you think this? I believe there are bisexuals. Nickw can vouch for me. I also believe there are people who use bisexual as a transitional orientation while they are coming to terms with their sexuality. I was one of them. You say that are a Kinsey 5 bisexual, which is predominantly gay. I'm also a Kinsey 5. Personally I've chosen to identify as gay in the real world because that feels closer to the truth. ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 08:40 PM ----------
Freemind265 I will vouch for SiennaFire. He asks the hard questions. Sometimes some of us need that. Sometimes we convince ourselves, for one reason or another, that something is true when the evidence really doesn't agree with it. If you really desire men to the extent that you do and do not feel the same about women, you really owe it to yourself to explore the depths of the emotional side of the attraction. You may think you desire women emotionally, but it may just be safety or comfort as SiennaFire suggested. I commend you for your last post...go for it and open yourself up. Good luck man.
