Im 22 years old, and I am slowly coming to terms with being gay and coming out to friends and family. One thing.....Im terrified! Whenever I think about bringing this subject up to anyone I start requestioning my sexuality. Its like I need new/more reasons for myself to be confident with the fact im gay. The reason why I do this is because im the person who did not know from a young age. it was at the ripe old age of 16-17ish when i was watching an episode of greys anatomy and saw two women kissing. it was like fireworks went off in my body. From then on i kept watching, watched even more shows with lesbian characters, started to look at females i saw differently in public. Its like i finally found what i have been looking for for a very long time. This terrified me because i really didnt know about lesbian anything or gay for that matter. I know i want to date women, be with a women, and ultimately have a wife. I have had a few boyfriends in the past and dated a couple. All of them not been successful and flee every time it gets serious. Ive always thought i was going to have a husband, a dog, and life in a suburb. Now, its a complete 360. I think thats why im questioning so much. All of my fantasies are women, i get giddy when there is a lesbian anything on a tv show or movie. I picture myself holding a women and lying in bed with one. Yet i still question myself every single day. I think its because i tell everyone im straight, i like guys and tell them my type of guys. Its safe and when i picture myself coming out it becomes anxiety filled and stressfull and actually telling a secret. I question myself a lot and would like some answers/help/advice please.
I can relate. I was like you; I didn't know at an early age either. I was actually older than you were before I realized. I was even older before I even considered accepting that I might be gay. I just always called myself commitment-phobic when it came to guys. I thought that was why I couldn't manage a successful relationship. That was why as soon as I started dating a guy I felt trapped and smothered and could've jumped from a moving vehicle to get away. That was why any level of physicality with a guy made my skin crawl and I just wanted it to be over. It never occurred to me that it meant anything that I really liked it when my friends who were girls would be all touchy feely like girls will do. I sometimes worried that people would think I was gay, so I started saying I didn't like to be touched and needed my space. This was as a "straight" teenager. I'm 34 and have just recently come out to myself as gay. All that to say the questioning is normal. It's really, really stressful, but it's normal. As far as coming out to friends and family goes, I haven't done that yet. I'm probably going to come out to a close friend soon though, and the thought is terrifying. Only you can decide when the time is right and who the person/people is/are to tell. My advice would be to start with one or two people tell them. Make sure it's someone you know you can trust and someone who is likely to give you the support you need and go from there. Best of luck!
I was just like you but I didn't figure it out until I was in my 20's so you are totally not alone. It's only natural to be worried and nervous and doubt yourself. I used to do it all the time. I don't think you have to think of it as a 360 turn just swap the husband for a wife and you are away haha. Have you thought about who the first person you come out to might be? Do you have any questions for us?
Completely can relate to questioning yourself when thinking about coming out. There's times when I start to regret coming out because Im unsure. But when I really get down to the root of it, its more like Im unsure of wether I like men or not, but there's no question in my mind that I like women (and from what you say it seems you like women as well). So I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe ask yourself what you're questioning. You don't have to come out as a lesbian or as bi. I haven't yet labeled myself and maybe I never will. I just say Im queer which seems like a good umbrella term. Or I just say, I like women, but doesn't mean I dont like men. Keep us in the loop!
