It's been a while since I logged in or wrote here. I was recently let go from my job and looking for and starting a new job has been crazyness. My current status: Out as queer with most of my family & close friends. Leaning more towards women but have never dated one. Have only dated men and haven't been with or liked anyone of any gender since my trigger crush, whom I haven't seen or talked to for a year now. Here's the situation: Since I was let go from my job, my uncle and aunt offered me a job in their company, and it's a great job opportunity in a growing industry so I said yes. However, the industry is full of mostly older/conservative people whereas at my last job, I worked at one of the top 100 most LGBT inclusive companies in the US in the fashion industry which is very liberal. My aunt and uncle don't know Im queer. I've hinted at it but they haven't pried and I'm not sure if they even have a clue. My office has about 5 people and so far there's no indication that any of them would be open to me if they heard I was queer becuase of comments they have said: 1. "every family has a druggie, a crazy person and a fag", as if those fall into the same category... 2. "my daughter is beautiful but she never wants to wear dresses and that worries me so Im constantly forcing her to wear dresses" 3. I mentioned my best guy friend was staying with me and one of them asked if he was cute and I said he was gay and we couldnt be less interested in each other and she said "oh, what a waste". Soooo.... now I feel like I have to hide who I am AGAIN. On top of that, for the first time since my trigger, I have found someone attractive. She works here but is younger and straight. But since I have a slight crush on her, now I feel lonely all the time. Like I have this LONGING to be with a woman in any way. And it legit hurts my heart. I keep watching lesbian webseries and looking at pics of celebrities I think are attractive and like Im dying inside but I have NO idea how to go about meeting someone and I also dont want to think about it becuase it stresses me out/depresses me. End Rant. Overall, I just wonder if I should tell my aunt and uncle and I also wonder how I can stop this heart pain of longing for someone to love.
Hey Soundofmusic, Welcome back. I'm sorry you're having such a crappy time. That's no fun, for sure. I get the impression, maybe wrongly, that your coworkers are more ignorant than full blown homophobic. You've done well to hint at it to your aunt and uncle and I wondered if you felt you could be more out gradually by initially standing up against these uneducated comments. For example: 1. "That's a derogatory term. You shouldn't use it. Please don't use it in front of me." 2. "Why? They're just clothes. Are they making her commit criminal acts?" 3. "Not for me." I've got no problem defending others. It's much easier than saying, "We don't like that word." "Some of us don't like to wear dresses." "I'm interested in girls so it makes no difference to me." Would this help? As for meeting somebody, do you have any LGBT Meetup activities around you? They're not specifically intended for romantic liaisons but nobody's stopping you if you find someone nice. Are there any nice LGBT people from your last job you can keep in touch with? Maybe you could become part of their social circle even though you're no longer part of their work circle.
Most definitely helpful, Really! I've held back from speaking up but framing it as me defending others rather than myself will be much better, I hope. In terms of meeting people, Im just super socially awkward so though there are meetups, Id just be deathly afraid to go. Maybe I'll work up the courage somehow. Most of my LGBT work friends moved to Miami through work, so the only ones I have left are MUCH older. Still see them quite a bit but they're like my uncles and they're all male. Don't have any female gay friends or acquaintances who live here for that matter. Oh well!
Here is my only bit of advice, as I am newly out to just myself lol. Check out meet up - it's a website where you can find groups of people doing the same activities, or have the same mindset as you. I honestly typed in name of my city lesbian and I found a ton in my area lol, but I am lucky cause like you my city/state is pretty LGBTQ friendly Good luck Soundofmusic
Oh, I'm totally with you on being freaked out about going. I managed by choosing a non-LGBT Meetup first. It was billed as women only but turned out not to be but that was totally fine. Got me out there and simply meeting new people. As time has gone on, I'm pretty sure some of the women who come are gay. Everyone is very friendly but all the "socializing" is limited to the weekly meetups. I'm just now psyching myself up to go to a lesbian meetup this week. It's to see a show so hopefully conversation requirements will be at a minimum. My downfall. I'm going to adopt the personae of a strong, silent type. Haha. Who'll know?
The first time is the hardest to go out and meet strangers, however - as with anything else the more you do the easier it becomes and the more natural you feel.
Awesome!! Hope it goes well! Going to a non-gay meetup first terrifies me more I think hah. Maybe if I start with a book club or something it might be fine? Im just painfully shy when it comes to my personal life, which is totally opposite to the outgoing person I am in my career (matter of confidence probably). ---------- Post added 13th Oct 2016 at 09:01 AM ---------- Well, I live in Puerto Rico which is pretty gay male friendly overall (huge drag community too) but gay, professional, femme women are like a myth haha and people are still really close minded (my coworkers are a GREAT example of what its like). So I can only see one gay meetup but I will definitely consider working up the courage to go
What about joining some sports clubs?, theres loads of gay women involved in things like football and rugby clubs etc.I think you have to have an interest in those type of things though. Also you say theres a big drag scene near you, you could go along to drag nights with a friend and see whos round and about to chat to. I've been to quite a few drag nights here and its usually a mixed crowd.
