I've been married for 10 years to my husband, yet I can't shake the feeling that I belong with a woman. I remember since I was 10 years old wanting a girlfriend, yet just never had the opportunity to be with one, and wound up married to a man. I think more and more about separating from my husband and seeking a relationship with a woman, but: 1. How do you break someone's heart like that? I just can't do it. For me, I wonder if it's almost easier to make the best out of living with my husband, yet remaining unfulfilled, than to leave and hurt him like that. I'm the type of person who would rather suffer myself than hurt another. 2. How do I know things will work out with another woman? It's not always easy to find a relationship. Where would I even start with searching out other gay/bisexual women? I've tried Craigslist and dating sites in the past without much luck. I don't even have much experience with relationships to begin with, since my husband is the only person I've ever been with (unless you count a few one-night stands with women) I don't even know where to begin or how to date, and worry about coming off as awkward.
Thankfully we don't have any kids, so we don't have that part to worry about. But still, it's not an easy decision to make. I did have a lady I was seeing off and on, not a serious relationship but we liked each other and would have sex, and my husband knew about it, and for a while he was OK but then he started to get jealous and felt it was cheating and violated the boundaries of our relationship, so I stopped. But it was enough for me to know that I prefer being with a woman and it's more fulfilling to me. But I just can't break someone's heart like that.
Hi Heels of Love, I'd like to welcome you to EC! 1. How do you break someone's heart like that? Yeah, that's the hard one all right. That's the question that so often keeps us in the closet. I used that question for over 2 years to avoid what I had already come to know - that I'm gay. By the end of that period I was terribly depressed and had an emotional crisis, following by coming out. This was after 20 years of marriage. Can you really suppress this for the long haul? You're already torn about this after only 10 years of marriage. What will it be like at 20, 25, 30? So, my answer to how do you break someone's heart like that? Because you have to in order to move forward, both for you and for him. Doesn't he deserve a say here? This affects him too, and he has no say in the matter because he doesn't know you are feeling this way. I did this too, so I'm not judging you, just giving you an alternate thought you maybe haven't thought about. 2. How do I know things will work out with another woman? You don't. Just like you didn't know if it would work out with your husband when you first entered into a relationship with him. Dating is never a guarantee no matter your orientation. Sure, it might be awkward for a bit, that's normal when you lack experience. Don't worry, though, you'll figure it out. I hope this helps! Take care.
He does know, to an extent... His suggestion was to find a "unicorn" as in, a woman that will sleep with both of us. But my argument was... they call it a "unicorn" for a reason, finding a woman like that is not easy. Plus, I keep feeling like I want a legitimate relationship with a woman, and not just one for sexual play.
This is tough. Gosh. I am just starting to spread my wings. I've been bisexual and only had one sexual encounter before marriage. Currently, I fell for my closed friend so the other side of me has been awakened. My husband has known since when we were dating. Last month, I became more vocal about my sexuality. He's cool with it. He even encouraged me to realise my 20% (me being gay) as I am only fulfilling the 80% (me being straight) of my sexuality. He said that I should reach my 100% because this is who I am. The only rules are it won't affect my wanting him in bed (not just him enjoying sex but me also), me being mother of our growing kids and that I won't let myself become miserable because of another woman. By reading your story, I am wondering if this will ever happen to me --- my husband gets jealous. I hate overthinking so I do avoid it as much as possible. I live in the present time. Sometimes, we need to hurt the people we love to be free. You're fortunate that you don't have kids. Have you read the book Bridges in Madison County that made into film (Meryl Streep)? She chose to stay with her husband because of her kids but she lived her life in loneliness, screaming in her head to be with him until she grew old and died. If you find the woman who will give you courage to do the impossible thing, it will come to you what to do...it will come to you because you have the reason to bleed by hurting your husband. I hope the best for you.
