I Am Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

As a person of faith myself, my advice, for what it may be worth, is to study for yourself rather than just taking someone else's word. You can give up on people; sometimes it's best to do that. However, I would caution you not to be as quick to give up on God. I wouldn't deign to tell you what to do or what to believe, but you already said you are a man of faith and that you believe in God. People are fallible and will often misunderstand or distort the word of God either unintentionally or sometimes intentionally for their own purposes. That's why it is important to think for yourself and study and read for yourself, so you can't be deceived by those people. I don't know if any of this is helpful at all because it doesn't really address what to do about how you're being treated or how you would be treated if you lived openly. All I can say to that is I'm so sorry you're going through that. I hope you get some helpful answers or insight here.

 

I am a gay man who have been in some long standing relationships and the first guy I was with was a Catholic bishop. Like you...I was reprimanded by some counselor of the Church which I was related to. However, their perspectives did not stop me or put fear in me to stop being the individual that I am especially when most people who attack you for being gay have the biggest and most scandalous skeletons in their closets and yet..they come off as they are "Annie and Andrew Christian". In fact, what I come to realize is that biggest devils are members of churches. Its a wonder that most churches have not gone up in flames. With that being said...I have a great connection with God where I primarily have a daily ritual that I conduct to display my faith and trust in God and I also attend a church that is functioned and organized by the LGBTQ community. I have no remorse for being the person that I am. In fact, I've come to embrace the individual that I am and I know that God loves me and he answers my prayers.

Just a little tidbit...as many times that I've read the Bible..there are passages that states that God does not favor homosexuality. However, if you notice within those passages that those words did not come from God himself..they came from his disciples. To me..its like someone spreading gossip and its not coming from my mouth or its not my actual words. Furthermore, homosexuality, cardinal sins, etc. was pretty rampant during those days. Furthermore...King David and Jonathan's relationship from what I've read described a homosexual relationship between the two. What straight man leaves his wife for weeks to be with another man and then confessed he loves him more than his wife????

To conclude..at the end of the day...I can't really tell you what to do because we all are different and we handle our situations differently. Unfortunately, if you want change within your life..you are going to have to make choices and decisions for yourself and not listen to others or seek the approval of others to obtain personal validation. In the long run...the strength to move forward has to come from you and if you're not at the point of your life to take that step in that direction...well, unfortunately..you will be going through the same scenario that you are going through now....and I'm not sure if this is the direction you want to go or not...everything is up to you and you are just going to have to be satisfy with the choices you make or what has been instilled in you from those members of your religion.

 

Just a thought and an opinion: There is adifference between belief in god and religion. I never go to church, but i believe. The church is a man made construction. Don't abandon your faith because of the judgements of men. Only God can judge. And if God made you gay (he certainly did, why else would you be that way) then it is ok. To me the praise of God means embracing the truth that you are....

I know that that is probably n alternative opinion. I will grant you that that is only my opinon: others may disagree and I don't have the corner on truth: I just put it here so you know not everybody thinks the way your current circle does.

 

I'm so sorry for how you feel right now. I understand the struggle you are having. I want to take a moment to first break this down into smaller pieces and then offer you some encouragement.

In order to better understand how to tackle both your sexual orientation and your faith, you must first define what encompasses that which you refer to as 'faith'?

You didn't seem to mention a relationship with God or Jesus or that you didn't want to lose Him or walk away from Him - you only said you didn't want to lose your faith. So I don't want to assume anything. Once you understand this aspect of what you are not wanting to let go of, it will be easier to move forward. So I'm just going to start a discussion about a few things.

Religion and God are really two different things. Religion is a man-made set of rules, habits, formalities, beliefs that one lives their daily life governed by (hopefully willfully but sometimes can end up cult-ish). These are human rules and we get connected to these people, they become intricate parts of our psyche, routine and emotional well being (or lack thereof).

But to let these things go, these people go, to be shunned by them (because you are only acceptable if you are like them) has nothing to do with giving up God. So don't think if they shun you that God has. What did Jesus say, 'i will by no means turn them away whom the father brings to me'.

Or maybe, that doesn't even matter to you - how God feels about you - because to some, their faith is only about other people, not Him. And that's okay too. These are some things to think about and try to better understand your view of this faith and God apart from your own sexual desires. I can assure you, God has not and will not ever stop loving you.

It is very difficult, those of us who come from a Christian or religious background, to come to terms with how so many sermons are wrapped around same sex orientation with judgement (by people, mind you, who preach it) and how God could still accept us just as we are (because that is who He is, and what He stands for). Don't live your life according to other people's dogma. (easier said than done when we've all played our part in the dogma!)

Perhaps part of your shame is coming from the repression/oppression of your religion. God is freeing. Religion can be damning. What are your thoughts about God apart from religion? What is your view of Him? If you can't reconcile that He can love you exactly the way you are, then you may find leaving Him is a better option. But i know this for sure, you don't have to cut God out of your life if you don't want to. you will, however have to walk away from your religion which has meant so much to you. And I am sorry about that. It's very much like going through a divorce - it's like losing part of yourself and all the years you've invested. It is a separate struggle altogether...

If you have seriously considered it and decided becoming an atheist works best for you, then that's your decision to make. But don't make it because you think God can't accept you due to your desires and sexual orientation. Nor because these people whom you have grown to love shunned you. Do it knowing that He will accept you just as you are, but that you've decided on a different path. Does that make sense?

I hope what I have written will get you thinking more about yourself, give you hope that a better future awaits you, help you see who you are apart from others' opinions of you and loosen the religions death grip on your soul. Let these things go to the best of your ability and be free, knowing that God will be there if you want Him to be and you have the freedom and choice to move in whatever direction you choose.

No more oppression.

No more repression.

Allow yourself some peace and freedom. I think you will find a much healthier place to sort your thoughts and allow yourself to actually feel for once without being condemned or judged. God loosens the bonds and breaks the yolks (remember?). Allow no one's judgement to bind you. Not even your own.

 

I truly hope that you stay.
If god didn't answer your prayers...consider that he does not take orders...and is proud of who you are ....and is challenging you to make peace with it...
blessings
Ben

 

You might want to check out gaychristian.net. It has a good message board where gay Christians wrestle with the same issues you are facing. You'll see there is a range of ideas on these issues.

Another site that I have found really helpful is spiritualfriendship.org, although I would note for the record that they don't have a forum and it is instead a blog of gay Christians who have dealt with their homosexuality largely by choosing celibacy publicly or by entering into "mixed orientation" marriages.

I hope these prove helpful.

 

I don't even know if I should be commenting because I am so anti-religion, especially biblical. I look at the Bible simply as text, old literature, and law; a set of stories to explain morals and ethics and entertain that was pushed together and then perverted by people. I've never been religious. I do have a deep spiritual connection to the earth, but that is hard to explain, and can also be false in some way. A human holding onto the idea that there's some force, even if it's just energy created by others, to help in tough times/answer questions. Maybe that's how religion is morphing for you now. Something really deep and internal that you feel and understand, but doesn't match up entirely with what you've been taught.

I won't up and tell you to leave, though it was my first instinct after reading your post. I do think you should really grapple with it, though. Consider that you may, quite possibly, be dwelling in a community that believes and enforces things that just aren't real or true. I'm being extraordinarily light in what I'm saying, because I could never under any circumstance believe in a set of beliefs that condemn people for being human. There is nothing wrong with homosexuality. It's been around for centuries. It's not a new concept. One has to believe that's because sexuality is naturally fluid.

It sounds like you're in a cult. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I really think you should consider going out and living your life. I am so sorry that you're dealing with this. And what leaving would mean. But I think you'll lose yourself if you stay in that world. You won't be able to be who you are, and you'll continue being self destructive until there's nothing left, and everything around will continue moving forward except for you. I don't know. I really hope you can find a solution that's right for you. But I also think the situation you're in is extremely harmful and pointless.

 

Exilus,

I hope you stay.

You are worth so much more than the opinions of others. You have a right to define who you are, to love who you are, and to seek your own kind of happiness. You also have a right to explore your own relationship with God and to have your own beliefs.

I also grew up in the midwest, and at the time (in the 80s) my family was heavily influenced by conservative religious beliefs. My dad was Baptist, and my mom was Methodist. They were divorced, so I had a fairly unique coming out experience with each of them.

What I learned was that there is a difference between a spiritual understanding of God and a legalistic one. To me, the spirit is what lives inside you, gives you an intuitive sense of God's will, and tells you when you're doing right and wrong. Conversely, I think the legalistic side comes from the church and is preoccupied with "rules".

Any church that thinks they know God better than you is claiming a huge amount of power over you. Are you okay with giving them that power? Do you really think that they have some special connection to God that you don't?

I think you're beginning a journey of discovering for yourself what your sexuality means in light of your spirituality. Your church may disapprove, but you alone have authority on what you believe. Perhaps your inner spirit can help you decide.

In the meantime, I hope you'll take very good care of yourself. Remember that you are a beautiful person - including your sexuality - and that you are whole and complete. Please don't forget that.

You are worth so much more than their opinions, and I believe that you already are worthy to God, just as you are.

*warm hugs*

Patrick