Hey guys, So I came out to everyone a few months ago. It felt good at first and my family was neutral on the whole thing. I only have six members in my family. The problem for me is that I don't feel happy. I actually liked my routine with my ex husband. Was it a shitty routine? Oh yeah haha it sucked. But at least I knew it and I was not surviving on food stamps. Now I feel hopeless and depressed. I feel like I'm leaving a piece of me behind I built up all these years. I want to hope it gets better I really do but either I feel like a bother to people or I'm this awkard woman. None of my family has reached out to me. I feel like I'm always the one to engage. I don't even know how to follow up the "were divorcing cause I'm gay " talk. They cancelled Thanksgiving this year and I'm afraid that they will do the same for Christmas. These arnt bad people like I read in posts. They just never suspected this from me. I never fit the label (another reason why coming out took forever). Is it okay to feel down on yourself at times like this? Do I need to see another therapist? (This will be lucky # 6 for me) I guess I'm also afraid of losing friends. A few years ago my best friends best friend called Bee came out as a lesbian and got kicked out and my best friend Kay took her in. Bee eventually moved out but got into the gay scene and in the end told Kay that she never helped or or anything. Long story short it was horrible experience for Kay and she told me I can't turn out like Bee. But I'm a lesbian and I kinda do want to do some things like get shorter hair (cheaper and pratical) and help out with activism on lgbtq communities. Does that make me one of "those" gay people? Keep in mind I'm this quieter selfless woman who literally grew up in a Christian based life. Sorry this was a damn long post. If anyone takes the time to read this thank you. :icon_bigg
I think I had a lot of similar feelings when I came out. At first I was happy, it felt good, and nobody treated me poorly. Yet after that I felt extremely alone and I left everything else behind me. It took a while to realize that I didn't completely scramble the puzzle of my life. I was just rearranging a few pieces to fit properly. The difference is, that I was already single because I divorced years prior to coming out. I also understand the desire to be a bit more "stereotypical" and such. Also, I get the desire for activism and hesitation because I'm just a "baby lesbian". I have put a few FB posts relating to activism out there. One was a video about how under represented lesbians are. It felt important to me because I think the reason I never came out was because I'd never seen an example of a healthy lesbian relationship. These days, I have one. My girlfriend is amazing, we're planning a future together, and one of my kids actually started calling her mama this weekend. It's awesome. Things can be tough after coming out, but you'll find your place, your comfort level, and your good relationship in time. Just keep loving yourself and taking care of yourself the best way you know how.
Thanks RosePetal. It's nice to hear from someone who's been through it all that it works out in the end. I have my bad days but I think it gets better. This might be a crude question but what makes a "baby lesbian" a baby lesbian? Is it the knowledge of her sexuality or is it coming out time? I don't mind the term just curious how that worked and you seem like you've been there.
Hi Linkmaste999, Just a quick note about short hair. I got my hair cut almost a year ago after years of cutting it myself and in terms of cost, it's actually more expensive because you have to keep getting it cut if you want to keep it short. Unless I figure out how to do it myself, I don't see this changing. But I do like it better.
Don't worry about being "one of those gay people." Be yourself. I came out a few months ago too, and volunteering at my LGBT Center has been tremendously helpful in giving me an active connection to the LGBT world. I think you are doing great. Be you, and keep progressing!
Thank you everyone, I'm glad for the support. Really? I'm horrible for going to go get my hair cut, I have thick hair, I run, and I shed so much hair I think I can decorate a bathroom wall in it. But if the price of shampoo and conditoner is cheaper than monthly cuts, I'll work around it. I would love to volunteer at a lgbtq center. I'll try to look one up. I think that being myself will help othere maybe come out too. Now a days I see teens as young as 13 out and proud. My what has changed since I was 13 haha.
Link, people often measure their "lesbian time" because how long a person is out often correlates with their comfort level and acceptance of their sexuality. It's much easier to date someone with a similar lesbian age than someone who has been out 20 years. I've tried both. There's more in common with similar lesbian ages.
