When do you stop being afraid?

If you walk into a bar with confidence you'll rock n' roll, dude. Some MAY be like that but your chance of having that happen are smaller than you think.

 

You'll stop being afraid when you start doing it. Same with everything in life really. Experience is the great teacher.

 

For me...it was putting myself around gay men who were very comfortable in their own skin and exuded a lot of confidence which I found to be very appealing. However, it was this one guy whom I had considered to be one of my best friends at that time. He had been out for some time and his confidence was at an all time high. This had got the ball rolling for me so to speak.

What really impressed me about was that he although he had a very masculine appearance...he was very feminine to say the least. I was staying with my family during this time and he would come by to see me in all of his flamboyancy which always initially made me just wanted to disappear and afraid because as I had mentioned ... my family were very homophobic and I did not want him to have his feelings hurt by their behavior or comments. What was surprising to me to this day was that all of the females in my family embraced him and looked forward to him coming around because he had a big personality and he paid them a lot of compliments and made them laugh all the time...even my mom. I was floored when I saw them hugging him and laughing with him...considering he was very open about his sexuality and did not care what no one thought.

To witness this was the start of me beginning to embrace my sexuality...thanks to him. From that point..it got easier to the degree where I did not live in fear or cared what family members had to say or thought about me being gay...it just did not matter to me anymore.

 

I had to meet people online that I knew were lesbian because I couldn't put myself out there not knowing, either.

 

I still feel afraid... and I came out 11 years ago when I was 25... How I managed to have 2 relationships during that time, I don't know, LOL... but yeah, I still can't walk up to someone and say hi... even chatting online gives me shivers sometimes...

Hopefully it all works out. That's what I keep trying to tell myself. You're not alone in this bud.

 

Friends are friends, whether you share the same sexuality or not. I certainly don't want to limit myself to only gay friends. Just as I didn't hit on every female friend when I was convinced I was straight, I don't expect to hit on every gay guy who becomes a friend.

As a newly out guy, I loaded ****** on my phone and have begun making a few connections. It doesn't have to be just about a quick sexual hookup (although that's fun with the right person). There's a local MeetUp group of gay professionals that's trying to get off the ground ... maybe some of us will actually get together in person soon, which is the whole idea of MeetUp. Maybe you've got a good gay bar in your community. That's not really my scene, but it can work for some people. We've got a couple of openly gay-friendly churches in town, so that could be another venue to meet people if you're somewhat religious.

 

For me, I've been working for the last 6-7 months now. Working has boosted my confident quite a bit.
I might eventually start flirting with guys around me. Maybe if I see a handsome guy while out for the long walks in the mountains.

The thing I'm afraid of is being beaten up. Though I'd probably bail before that were to happen.

My point: Try finding a job you're good at. Stick with it, even if you're damn tired in the morning.
I'm sure you confident will rise.
You might also want to find a hobby you'll be good at.
And don't be afraid of casual talk with people. Nothing wrong with that, look at it as practice for the big event.
Oh and if it's possible to find a club with that hobby, join one. Maybe there's cute guys there.