I need to ramble in order to get this sorted out, so bare with me. I have been thinking about my colleague for the past few months. I had come out to her right when we got back from summer vacation, and I decided to do so as there were feelings I never thought I'd have for a colleague. I am attracted to her. Her smile brings on a happy feeling inside me, not sure if it's the butterflies or not. I like talking to her, we work well together. I am attracted to her. We are both married. I want to tell her that I am attracted to her, that these feelings are developing and I don't want them to jeopardize our work ethic. . . It feels complicated. . . and it is lunch time so I will get back to this later
Hi Mystic. Without knowing further details, my immediate feeling was that you should wait before telling her anything. She is married, so telling her would basically be putting her in a rather uncomfortable position, especially given that you both work so closely together. Also you have to ask yourself why you are telling her: Is it because you hope it is a way of moving through the attraction, or because you hope that she might reciprocate? Also has she shown any signs of physical attraction toward you? I probably am on the side of not saying anything because I had a crush on a co-worker years ago, and was beyond glad that I waited until after she stopped working there before I told her how I felt, because she flat out rejected me, and it would have been very awkward for both of us after that.
Geez! I am on the same boat right now. But it's more complicated because she's my closed friend. I am testing the water right now Mystic Flower. The problem is I can't see any red flags that she's into me except a closed friend who always confides her problems with. Don't rush. Check first if she's into same-sex. If not, then don't tell her because like what Lemon Grass said, it'll be very awkward and probaby not healthy for you. Mine is into same-sex but not sure if she likes me. The bottom line always is asking yourself "if she's into you." Goodluck.
Thank you. I do get a feeling that she might like me but I am not sure. . . the way she's looked at me several times now and basically that is all that I can think of right now. I am glad I have decided to wait!! I came out to her in the first couple of days after we got back from summer break (we are educators), and I did so so that I can be comfortable with my choice of music and all since we are sharing a common area. I know it is stereotypical but her hair is also questionable as it can be viewed as a "lesbian" hair style, but that is who she is and what she is comfortable with. We have had some conversation about my orientation and some issues I face coming from my culture and how homophobic this community is. Since she is one of few every day people in my life, I have also bounced off some frustrations I was having with the only woman I know and how to deal with her. She has been great support with some issues I need to deal with due to an anxiety disorder - my biggest fear is that I am never good enough. So, yeah, I am so glad you guys suggested I wait. I was actually working up to telling her. To be honest, I don't think I will tell her in fear of rejection. I have been rejected a couple of times, and sure am glad I don't work with either of them! So, yeah, I like her smile, the way she brushes off her hair from her face, the way she laughs and the way she looks at me sometimes, the few times she did an impression that was kind of flirtatious - I am not sure if I can call it that because I am not too sure what flirting is like. If not telling her is what I am doing, at least I am writing it down on here because I don't think I can take keeping it to myself any longer. So, thank you for your advice. It has been a hectic day so my thoughts and feelings seem to be everywhere.
Be very patient and wait. Look for some red flags that she's into you. does she always text or call you just to chat with you? does she say that she's missing you? does she make an effort to see you not because of work but to sepend time with you? Remember, if she touches you or hug you sometimes, it doesn't mean she's into you. We, women, like to hug one another and it doesn't necessarily mean something romantic. Wait for more time and pay attention to the red flags. If there are no red flags, it will be still up to you if you want to tell her or not.
