So my gf and I have been together for over a year now. Our relationship is a bit unconventional because I have a teenage daughter who thinks I'm trying to ruin her life with this relationship and flat out refuses to have anything to do and wants no part of it. Hence, gf has been to my house twice ever. The first time was before everything happened and she had been drinking so I'm like, come sleep on my couch and that was it. The second time I had to drop my son off at the house after we'd all had dinner together. Anyway, her thing is that she should be able to spend time at my house in my element. We see each other only about once a week on Saturday evenings and she says she wants more. The truth is she is extremely busy and so am I, so I don't think it's fair to blame me for everything. Anyway, the true root of the problem. I feel as though she is becoming less my girlfriend and more just my friend. It's just a change that I was not expecting. I am wondering if everything is just damaged from all the factors with my daughter and trying to keep everyone happy. Or has the new just worn off? I love her very much, but things have definitely changed. Yes, I know the new wears off in any relationship, but I feel a closeness to her that I've not felt with anyone. I'm venting. Don't really know what I'm asking or if I'm really wanting to know anything at all. I'm at a loss. Hoping we can resolve and turn things around. I will always be her friend, but is that all that this is anymore? Okay, if you've read this far, thanks for letting me vent.
Hmm, well to be honest if after a year of being with someone I could still only see them once a week, I'd be pretty frustrated! I would think she's feeling like the relationship doesn't have much of a future. In that circumstance when you can't move forward with things the only real option left is to start detaching. She may very well be feeling that and feeling like you aren't making the effort to integrate her into your life, particularly family life. Now look, I understand that it must be super tough having your daughter dissaprove, but at some point she's going to have to suck it up (your daughter). My mom dated plenty of people when I was younger and I certainly didn't like all of them, but as an adult I totally get that she couldn't sacrifice her chance at happiness because I was being a pissy teenager. You're going to have to lay down the law with your daughter about this situation if you're serious about this woman. It doesn't mean you love her less but she's old enough to understand. Honestly I think your lady has been exceptionally patient. If you're serious about her make room for her in your life.
I feel bad for your situation. I imagine it's really hard. Is there something wrong between the gf and your daughter, or she's just uncomfortable because you're dating a woman? If it's the last one, I'd have a really honest conversation with your daughter about your relationship. I understand things are harder for some than others, but if you're sheltering your daughter from your lesbian relationship, you're just going to give her permission to be afraid and maybe even ignorant. If your gf is a good person and you love her, and there's no reason for your daughter not to like her (I really encourage you to have that honest discussion with her about what makes her unhappy about it to see if there's a valid reason), then you need to incorporate her into your life a lot more. I would feel incredibly hurt if I dated someone who had kids and I didn't even know them a year in because I was being hidden. Kids can derail things. I've been that daughter to my mother, but I had reasons for why I didn't like a person. Having that talk and open communication will allow you to see what the real issue is and how you can work it out.
Have to agree with the two responses thus far. I've been in relationships where there were unreasonable parameters and being much older and wiser, I realize now, a relationship with parameters is no relationship at all... Not to be disrespectful but it sounds like you've relegated her to "friend", not the other way around. As the others have said, she sounds pretty patient. If you wanted more, you would open the door for more than 1 day a week. Sounds like you are getting exactly what you want and set things up for. How can a relationship be more, when it's so controlled? I've often shown up to my partner's house unannounced with roses. That can't happen for you. I've often planned a surprise "Not gonna tell you where we're going. Just get dressed!" That can't happen for you. I've often planned trips for my partner's kids, just to see the smiles on their face. That can't happen for you. I think the lack of romance might be because how can only possibly do romantic things for you? Talk to your daughter. Open the door to more romance. If you still don't feel it, time to move on.
