Gonna start by saying HI!!! Been along time since I've had time to even make a post. It's been around 4 months now, I've had a few ups but honestly it's been mostly downs, a few really down moments..but I'm still here moving forward one step at a time, figuring out how to transition from the Hetero life I've built up over the last 39 years to the life I want to be living. The reason I'm posting is my wife(and best friend,were separated,but still living in our house) is out of town..I actually have a day off work(first in 2 weeks). And I don't know what to do... we moved in together and out of our parents places 18 years ago, I've never been alone.. I don't know what to do with myself.. I've been thinking about it quite a bit recently as we have started the financial separation, remortgaging my house to buy her out so she can move out on her own. But I have no clue how to be alone ? I wouldn't say it's scary just confusing, feelings of being lost.
Hi Stewie! I haven't been on in a long while myself. I'm glad I got to read your post. I have had a hard time on my own. So much so that even if I'm in the house with someone that is even just in the other room I still feel very lonely and go visit them in the next room over just to avoid being alone. I used to bug ppl a lot. For about a month (35 days or so now) I have been journaling and writing letters to friends and actually sending them through the post and reading self help books. It's staring to get cool enough here in Florida to where I can start walking the neighborhood and enjoying nature and being alone with my thoughts. Getting outside and having fresh cool air in my lungs seems to put me in a great mood and for whatever reason stops me from feeling lonely. I use my 'alone time' (however wanted or unwanted my alone time is) to discover who I am. Explore my thoughts and feelings. The more I do this the more I discover I don't really have a clue who I am without someone in my life. But I'm learning more and more about who Aubrey is and what makes me, me. I would suggest to you that you find some time to help others. Being of service to others is a great way to take your mind of yourself for a while. And it fills you with a good feeling and better self esteem when you do something kind for others. It could be anything so simple as helping and elderly person lift something heavy from a shelf at the grocery store. It doesn't have to be anything more than that. Start out small. I'm telling you, it feels great! Ultimately, I think I am becoming a better person in my 'alone times'. I'd like to think that by the time the next relationship comes around I will be better acquainted with myself, my wants and needs; limitations and what not, and ultimately bring more to the table as a more whole person. I would suggest that you use your 'alone time' to figure out your wants/needs and what makes you tick. If you are spiritual maybe pray for a better understanding of yourself and for the opportunity to be of service to someone that day. For me, doing all this has made it so that I am actually starting to enjoy my time spent with me. I'm learning that I'm a pretty great person (if I can toot my own horn here lol). In the end, I'm very thankful for the time I am spending alone and feel like I'm using it in the right way. Of course there is always a time to take a break form all that and watch a movie or read a good book in a coffee shop. :icon_bigg I hope this helps. Good luck with everything Stewie! I wish you the best! (*hug*)
Omg, pardon the random post but I LOVED reading this, and just had to stop in to say congratulations. This is something we ALL go through, especially in the LGBT world. I spent two days alone away from family and then went into a spiral which triggered so many emotions, I came out to my mum which was great but am still going through the process of being ME...Your post is a great start, I cant wait to get to the stage your at in life <3 love and blessings your way!
thanks for the reply Bibeauty, I had 3 paragraphs typed out and deleted them.. This is why I love this site, (and yes I started a thread about that months ago and I will bump it up after this) for myself at least, half the time I make a post, by the time I read some replies and respond back I have figured out whatever issue I was having trouble with in the first place. I think the issue with me in this situation is I came out to myself first, my wife, and some select friends and family.... but then that's it... I'm still hiding... I'm still living this Hetero life... I need to move on and move into the life I want regardless of wether I do it alone(which is looking more and more like the case) or if I have any support. It's time for me, it's time to stop worrying about everyone else and just get the hell away and learn how to be a gay man. (!)
