Hello, I’m typing this just to let off some steam really. I’ve got so many issues; I don’t even know where to start, but here goes… I’m a 44 year old female. I’ve suffered from Anxiety and Panic Disorder since I was 20, which eventually led me to becoming agoraphobic. Over the last year, the agoraphobia has improved but I still don’t like going too far from home. I’m mostly still in the closet, a few close friends know about my sexuality but my family don’t (although they probably suspect it but they never say anything). I feel like a coward for not coming out, but if I came out to my mother and she reacted badly, I don’t know if I’d be able to cope. Maybe if I was with someone and had their support, I’d be brave enough to tell my family the truth, but for now I don’t have the courage to say anything. There’s been plenty of times over the years when I’ve wished I had a girlfriend but it never got me down too much. But just recently, the longing to find a partner has become overwhelming. Time is ticking away and I’m frightened that I’ll never meet anyone special, and even if I did, I can’t imagine that they would want to be in a relationship with someone like me. I know I need to work on my anxiety problems before I can deal with anything else, I’m trying, believe me, but it’s so much easier said than done. I’m on meds, I’ve had therapy etc but I’m still not there yet and I don’t know if I ever will be. Is there anyone else here who has been in a similar situation?
Hi Rach, Honestly your not alone, and while all of our situations are different, remember one thing, YOUR already doing great. I know how hard it is sometimes when you have anxiety during stressful times, one thing that really helped me was literally PUSHING myself to do everyday things and not accepting my mind was in control, because it isn't. Your mind is NOT who you are, so when it tells you, 'you wont find anyone' 'your too old' its feeding into a negative and very unrealistic spiral of thought. Just bare that in mind! Lots of love and support your way and I know things will improve for you!
Hi Goodvibes, Thanks for your lovely message. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut for so long with no light at the end of the tunnel. But, my desire to be with someone now is making me more determined than ever to try to beat this anxiety, or at least get it to a level where it doesn’t affect me so much, and then maybe I’ll stand a chance of meeting someone (I hope). Thanks again for replying to me and lots of love to you too x
