realise you're gay beyond mid 20's, lack of representation play a part?

I think a lack of representation is a huge part of both realizin late, or not coming out. I knew I liked women, bit I pushed it aside because I didn't think it was an option. I saw a video on Lizzy the Lezzy that said even LGBT movies only feature lesbians 10% of the time. We're so incredibly under represented it's crazy. I think what opened me up was that I started working with an open lesbian. Seeing someone in a good, healthy lesbian relationship made me realize I could be open, out, and happy, something I never thought was possible.

 

I think this is a really great point. We develop a sense of who is privileged socially and who isn't partially by how visible they are. In the United States we're progressing toward acceptance very quickly, but there still aren't enough LGBT role models out there.

As simple as it is, coming out makes you that role model to others. I remember when I was in college 20 years ago, joining the student union, becoming political, and participating in LGBT causes. As simple as that was it helped to create the tolerant environment we take for granted today (or at least in the US). As more people come out, it gets easier for the next generation.

 

It makes a lot of sense that lack of representation would play a role in both realizing and accepting that you're gay. I was really late in realizing it myself. Once I did and came to accept it, now I look back and wonder how it could've taken me so long. I'm still not out to anyone, but I know within myself and can't imagine now what took me so long. So that being said, you make a great point. There weren't/aren't a lot of roles representing a normal, healthy relationship between two women. It made it hard to normalize the feelings I was having and accept them as something that was okay and natural.

 

I definitely agree. I mean, there just wasn't a lot (on our 3 channels) about lesbians on tv when I was growing up. There was no social media at all. There wasn't even internet! (haha, wow, dark ages!). All there was about gay people were stereotypes, and almost all those were about gay men.

Now I obsessively watch gay youtubers and think about how different my life would have been if I had this resource growing up.

 

Yes! I totally agree as well. I had a very sheltered upbringing and homosexuality was still spoken in my household as "being crazy". I never actually had met a gay person until high school.

 

I'm pretty young and even I feel like throughout my life, I was only ever given a concept of what it was to be a gay man. Even though I imagine it's not accurate, the media usually gives them pretty positive and big roles.

My measly representation of lesbians though was this pathetic character Sonja of EastEnders ditching her lovely boyfriend without really caring to hook up with some newly arrived lesbian in the show who lived with a load of old washed up geezeers; aaaand maybe a trailer of the show Lip Service which seemed to portray the main character as sort of predatory to me and it scared the shit out of me. So the best judgement of lesbians that I could form for most of my life was "pathetic and scary".

Now theres quite a lot more good representation... But only cos searching it out. Like there's nothing I would see as truly positive that would have been beamed to my young self on normal British tv. Though maybe if Orange is the New Black had been such a craze when I was 11 and I got my first laptop I might have searched it out and benefited from it.

 

Absolutely. I grew up in rural Queensland and led a very sheltered life. My family were also members of the 2x2s, still are. I don't remember having any concept of homosexuality until I was 21/22 or thereabouts, around the same time began to question my own sexuality. Even then, i felt ashamed and thought if i ignored feelings they would go away. It's so clear to me now, I think if there were openly LGBT role models in my community growing up, my life would have been very different and I would have accepted my sexuality much earlier. There was a program on SBS recently about the area i grew up in. :/

Is this the most homophobic corner of Australia? | SBS News

 

Yes, that makes a lot of sense!
I knew that gay people existed, but it was a rather abstract concept.. I'd hear people talk about lgbt people as "a group of weird people we have to accept" and I heard it used as a slur. Growing up gay seemed a foreign concept, too alien, not something that could happen to me. Even though I'm fairly young compared to some on this website and my family/friends are not homophobic, so it's certainly a thing.
At high school nobody was out as not-straight and the first time I met someone who I knew was not straight was when I went to university. I came out in the first half of my twenties, but I think when I had known gay kids during my teens or I had seen a real life gay couple (e.g. having gay neighbours) I would have realize sooner.

 

I definitely think you are right but I also think there is more to it depending on your personality perhaps. I didn't figure out I was gay until I was in my mid twenties but I do have a gay uncle with a long term partner who was always accepted by the family. I was never really interested in guys it just took me a long time to consider girls as an option.

 

I think this is a really good point and I totally relate to it. I grew up in a rural, fairly conservative area around the time of the whole section 28 thing (In the UK, local authorities were prohibited from 'promoting' homosexuality and by promoting I mean educating).

There were no bi/lesbian role models that I knew of (of course now there are a lot more) and I even remember seeing two men kiss on tv as a kid and it blew my mind as the possibility had never even occurred to me. There were also no openly gay kids at my school.

So I was pretty much oblivious to the fact that I might also be attracted to women until I went to University. If I hadn't met who would become my gf god knows how long it might have taken me to figure it out. It has certainly taken me a long time to accept it.

I think the section 28 law was particularity bad though in making me feel like being gay was a bad thing and something to be ashamed of and also conveying this message in the mainstream media. I think most people (me certainly) just want to fit into the narrative that has been drummed into you that you see everywhere - the hetero-normative, patriarchal one.

 

Absolutely. I had no idea bi people even existed until I was about 25. I grew up in the middle of nowhere and didn't know anyone who was gay until uni. Thankfully reading widely as a child meant I was completely ok with that, but I still didn't know bisexuality existed. I had a few bi friends, but I honestly thought they just kept changing their mind about who they liked! Looking back, there were no obviously bi people in the books I read, and which were my only access to life beyond the village. Section 28 meant that nothing was ever mentioned at school.

So I've written a novel with a main character who is bi, only for a (gay) reviewer to tell me he doesn't believe in bi people.

 

I compleetly agree. I grew up in quite a sheltered community and gay people just did not exist (well, openly anyway.)

---------- Post added 27th Oct 2016 at 04:03 PM ----------

oops, prematurely posted!

I came into contact with ahn openly gay guy when I was 16 and it totaly blew my mind. I hadnt even considered people of the same sex could be in a loving commited relationship with one another. I'm still trying to figure out my own sexuality, but I

---------- Post added 27th Oct 2016 at 04:06 PM ----------

f** sake, sorry. ...but I think it would of made things easier if I had had more exposure to it. It would have help me understand my feelings and why I have them rather than the bomb dropping when I was 27.