Hi there. So I signed into this website a few months ago but this is my first post. I am from GA married with kids. I am having a hard time describing this but here it goes.... I realized that I was attracted to women early this year. I am having a hard time figuring out of I always knew but repressed it out I was really clueless. I had a best friend when I was 12 or 13 and I started thinking about that relationship, I cared about her very deeply. We had a very deep connection but back then I did not have the concept or even the words to explain my feelings about her. I had tho nice away and as a result I lost contact with her. I never had such deep connection with any other person man or woman. I've had great relationship, don't get me wrong, but nothing had come close. Earlier this year I noticed this woman at my job. At first it was just in passing but I realized that I was really attracted to her. Does that make sense? It's like that triggered something in me that I never thought about before. Its like I am becoming aware of all of these feelings that I never let come to the surface. I have not said anything to her or anyone else. This site has been my only outlet especially reading about those that come out later in life. It's hard to find anything online about that... I guess I wanted to say how grateful I am for all of your stories. It helps me feel less lonely.
Glad we can help. I think lots of us, especially in the section LGB Later in Life, feel the way you did. I myself did not realize I was attracted to men until a little over 2 years ago. And it only came out because I was having serious talks with my wife about sexuality. Then I kind of admitted it to myself as I was telling her. So give yourself some time. I think there may not be a need to tell the women you are attracted to that you think she's attractive, but as time goes on, you may be ready to tell yourself more often or someone else. I would often have dreams of my best friend growing up. To be honest, he's hot but I'll never tell him. And because we remain such good friends, it doesn't matter to me anyway. But knowing what I know now, it makes sense why I would have dreams that I later thought were weird. And it also took me some time to figure out what I feel. I'm still working through it. But now I feel a lot more confident about how I feel about men and women. Good luck.
Welcome New2me! How is your married life and sex life so far? I'm asking this to ascertain that it's not because you're bored or not treated well by your husband that's why you're attention is gearing towards female species. As we all are very good in comforting and loving each each other as friends. It's very important to really be sure about your feelings. Once you become sure, I hope that you embrace it rather than repress and hate yourself. Complete self acceptance and love for yourself. When you said that you're attracted to this woman, do you fantasize about her? Romantically? Sexually?
Thanks CubbieBlue! Lora, married life is going well. We have been married for 6 years and we dated for about 6 years before that. I have been bored before because since the beginning of our relationship he has traveled for work. Four years into our relationship we were practically living separate lives in different cities due to both our jobs. Even then I never thought about being with other men let alone women. These days we have a pretty decent sex life and try to find time for ourselves without the kids. I have always have close emotional relationships with women friends. However, after having kids (7 and 4 year), I feel that I have lost a lot of my social connections with many of my friends most of whom are married and have children as well. So on the one hand I miss having those friendships and that connection. But this is also different because I am yearning for more then that as well. Regarding the woman at work, I do fantasize sexually about her, vividly! A few weeks ago I found myself staring a little too long and caught myself before she notices. At least I am not sure she noticed but that was enough to get me to keep my head down and avoid too much eye contact with her at all. so yeah I am conflicted and confused about all of this.
New2me, Welcome! I understand what you are going through too. I am a bi-guy in my early 30s, married to a woman, and have only recently came to really understand/accept that I am bi. It was definitely not easy. I always knew and was comfortable with my attraction to women, but when I would notice a hot guy or have fantasies about them, I often felt guilty or embarrassed, so for awhile I just repressed those feelings. After awhile, I started reading more about sexual identity, and realized it's not as straight-forward (no pun intended) as it seems. I am now comfortable with myself being bi, but it took a long time of me questioning myself. While I am personally comfortable with myself, I still haven't found the courage to tell anyone yet for fear of being misjudged and not understood. So, just know that there are a lot of people out there going through the same things as you are, and we are happy to talk to you about this.
I am assuming that you are still attracted to your husband. I think you're bisexual since you can be attracted to both men and women, although, you just felt this same sex attraction lately. It doesn't matter what age you feel it. My thinking is if you are hardcore straight, you are straight no matter what. If you are not straight, then you are not straight. I've been predominantly straight for the last decade being married and has kids until I developed feelings for my closed friend lately (she doesn't know). A decade ago, I had short-lived relationship with women, both romantic and sexual in nature. It's natural to be confused at the moment because this is all new to you. My advice is to learn to fully accept and love yourself no matter what. Once you reach that stage, the feeling will be liberating. You will be braver and happier. Second step is to be able to come out to your husband as long as you feel safe and confident. The reason of coming out to your husband is so that you won't have that "guilty" feeling that you are cheating your husband. Only do this when you're ready, of course. Good luck to you.
