I wrote the material below after feeling frustrated with forward progress - converting from homophobe to gay man. ============= Journal Entry ======================= It’s like a harness is attached to me somewhere, maybe around my waste. Attached to the back of the harness a rope. The other end of the rope is attached to a large rock. The rock weighs 80 to 100 pounds. (36 - 45 kg) As I go to walk forward, the annoying rock drags on the ground, slowing my forward progress. I say to myself, god this is hard work, like OTF. I turn around and the rock is gone. No rope running from me to the rock, no harness. I say, ah, finally the drag is gone. I turn around to walk forward, the harness, rope and rock are all back.
You know what that rock is? it's all of the things you were taught that say gay is wrong. You know what that rope is? It's the questions you haven't found answer for, what to replace all of the wrong teaching with. Find your spiritual place, whatever that might be, see how gay fits in, get it okay to be you. The look at the world with eyes that now gay is okay and, that we can be beautiful vibrant, spiritual, sensual, sexual beings and, it's beautiful and right to be one of us. Then walk just one step and watch that rope become a fuse that ignites the dynamite inside your rock - Your dynamite, because you are just that. No more rock but one dynamite you strutting head long into a beautiful, wonderful gay life.
When we have dreams or images like this, sometimes imagining a way out can help. You have a clear visual analogy of what's holding you back, can you create a clear visual analogy of how to break free?
