Like the title said, I think she may know. Or at least, suspect. She's sort of dropped subtle hints and almost it seems like she may be attempting to trick me into admitting it. I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world if she knew. It would take away a large part of my anxiety. But I still don't feel ready, and I can't exactly tell her to butt out because that would give me away. So it's kind of a rock and hard place moment right now, and I'm not sure what to do. Kyboan
Kyboan I thought my wife suspected that I was bisexual for years and she did not have any idea. So, you don't really know. And, if you are not ready to have that conversation with her then you should not feel pushed into it. But, if your wife is starting to become concerned about you, and your relationship and your future together, she is likely stressed out too. The not knowing can be tough on her too. Why do you feel you are not ready yet to come out to her?
My partner said she was wondering what was going on right before I told her. After I had come out to myself, I was much more affectionate with her than I had been in a long time. That can often be a sign that someone is cheating, and she thought I might be interested in another woman. She had no idea that I was going to come out to her as bisexual. But with a lack of communication, the mind tries to fill in the blanks, on either side of the relationship.
It's anyone for that matter not just particularly her. I'm not emotionally ready for all that just yet. However I've considered your scenario too, there's endless possibilities on what's going on in her head. Either way, like I said, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world because it'll propel me into moving forward with my life. However I'd much rather do it on my own terms.
You should certainly tell her when you are ready. Having said that, saying that you are waiting until you are ready might be your way of procrastinating on what will be a very difficult conversation. It's very natural to way to avoid something difficult. Yet you may be creating unnecessary anxiety in you and your wife by delaying. From what I can tell, you don't question that you are gay. I would suggest that you pick a date and then prepare to come out to her. By preparing and analyzing your concerns about coming out, you will overcome your fears and feel more ready to come out. The following might be helpful as you prepare. Preparing to come out to your spouse as gay
Yes and no as far as questioning. I go through periods of denial and just go off the deep end. But on good days like today I know. I'm still working on the self acceptance part of it. Right now o still feel a little shame for this which I know will pass in time. I'm slowly working towards accepting myself. But until then, I'm gonna keep myself in the comforts of the closet. In all honesty, I fear you may be right about procrastinating though. Something to consider for sure.
Another thing to consider is how she finds out. Let's say she does know and she further investigates and somehow finds out. She will most likely feel betrayed because you didn't tell her. On the other hand, if you do tell her, you can tell her your way. You can tell her that you still struggle with this. That's how it happened for me. I told her about me being bisexual and that I struggle with it. She accused me of lying to her all these years, but she realized right away that I hadn't, because I was still trying to figure things out. Just something else to consider.
I know, mine knew for a long time, but was in total denial. As far as being ready to tell my spouse, I know for me, it all of a sudden felt like the thing to do. That was five months ago. Even as I "came clean", she went through a roller coaster of emotions: anger, doubt, sadness, guilt, etc. As others have said, if you are waiting for the time to be right, you may be waiting a long time. Best of luck.
It has always been said and set in stone that women are very intuitive and after being in your presence for some time they began to get suspicious of the mannerism or behavioral patterns that are being presented around them. As far as I am concerned...from what you have mentioned about your wife dropping hints...then to me..that tells me that she is suspicious and more than likely...I can say that you are correct in assuming that she is doing this in order for you to admit what she is suspecting. However, like you said..its all about coming out when you are ready to do so. Best wishes.
One of the best ways to overcome the shame is to come out of the closet, and you will make great strides in accepting yourself once you share your secret with others. Since you think that your wife suspects, perhaps it would be prudent to think through what you would tell her if she confronted you about being gay.
Hey Kyboan Is part of your fear of coming out because this will not be limited to your wife? Does coming out to her mean that you will be coming out to others that you are not yet ready for? I can see that this could seem overwhelming. Do you think your wife would be discreet enough that you could take your time working through this?
My wife really didn't have much of a clue that I was gay before I blurted it out back in August. I felt like I'd dropped hints ... including photographing male nudes. I'd said something about having more male partners than female before we married 35 years ago, but that apparently didn't sink in. Since telling her I've come out to a lot of people. There's a great sense of relief at this point. We're in the process of figuring out a divorce while remaining business partners and continuing to share a home on 5 acres. You really never know what to expect when you come out. I certainly didn't. I think I expected a disaster, but that hasn't happened at all. I've received an incredibly high level of support. Your experience may certainly be different, but don't discount the idea that coming out can be a very positive thing. I still struggle a bit with fully accepting that I'm gay but it gets easier every week.
