What kind of life can I lead?

Find a friend you can trust, even one online.

Never give up. A little lesson I learned from a friend, have fun every day, even if that is just for one minute, do something fun, just because you want to.

I know it's difficult to just be yourself and interact without worrying how others will take you but, if you do it, you'll find people that accept and like you for who you really are.

Work, hobbies, skills, your ability to make friends hasn't changed, you're still you, just more you now is all.

 

Keep in mind that at 36, you're not old — you have decades of life still ahead of you. Don't look back; look forward. Find a good LGBT therapist and work with him/her.

 

Yeah, find a therapist. There is no shame in seeing a therapist, and if you feel you need one, you need one. They can help you put things into perspective, especially if you're struggling with depression and the like.

 

You may want to start with an online therapist. Google LGBT Friendly Therapist, some very affordable live, online ones are out there and, often they can refer you to one close to you for in person therapy.

Breaking down those walls is hard, don't try to do it all at once - baby steps.

 

I can't overemphasize the importance of finding an LGBT educated and supporting therapist. I have gotten to know myself better in five sessions with mine than with years talking to other Christian/mainstream therapists about my anxiety and depression. I found mine through Google, but you can also call your local LGBT center.

 

DaveWho, how is it going?

a) Start an exercise routine. Even walking will help. Take water to drink so you do not get dehydrated. I recommend you exercise no less than 3 times a week, and no more than 5 times. 30 to 60 minutes each day.
b) meditate or better yet find a meditation group.
c) eat right. no junk food.
d) get lots of sleep.
e) see if you can cut back on the alcohol.

All of the above will buy you a little time. Take that time and find an LGBT groups. You need gay friends, go find them.

Hit my wall if you have any questions or concerns.

 

Others have already given great advice, I would encourage you to take it. At 36 you are still young, you can break down those barriers if you work at it.

I had depression for a very long time, once I accepted myself and worked on myself I am so much happier. I'm not 100% but who is?

I knew I was gay since I was a teen but never accepted it until I was 25, it took me a year but I am now happy with who I am and I am out to my family and the people who matter to me. You can do this too if you want it.

Having someone to talk with about your feelings is extremely important right now, even an online friend works great.

"I've spent most of my life obsessed with everyone else's reaction to every possible action, phrase, movement, etc. Do I even have time to dismantle these barriers I've spent so much energy building?"

I understand I did the same, and yes you do have time.

If you want to talk or need to vent hit up my wall.

 

Perhaps start here:
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=Detroit&state=MI&spec=172

 

Ditto much of the above like brainwashed, Weston and others.

Find a friend you can trust, a therapist, a support group, tell your story here on EC and just keep talking, just keep talking. Just know so many will be there for you. Take your time; find time to nourish your body and soul with exercise and meditation. I've been working on the same issues as you for a while and patience and taking care of the present are essential. You are young; I've got a few years on you and I know I'm not too old; you are never too old to find the real you.

 

You might also find beneficial following a philosophical or religious practice that you find meaningful.