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Trying to make sense of it all - gender and sexuality

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Nov 8, 2016.

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  1. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Location:
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    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    I'm starting a new thread on this because I feel my thoughts are a little more organised now...

    So I'm realising that I have a long way to go still in really understanding who I am. I know my orientation, which I still want to call gay, even though my gender questions make the label maybe a bit problematic. To me it means, I am attracted to women and gender queer folks, i see myself building my life with a partner who fits the same. There is room for nuances in my orientation. I am still trying to understand those nuances, but I feel the word gay is right for me. I need to spend time understanding my feelings for men because that question keeps coming back to me, but I suppose for now I'm ok with thinking that my sexuality is complex.

    My gender is a huge question looming over me right now. Has anyone here found that their sexuality has helped open up more understanding of their sexuality? Or the other way around?

    I have always thought I'm maybe just a tomboy. I've not always expressed that side of me but for much of my life I preferred dressing in more gender neutral or masculine clothes, felt like a guy in a lot of ways, and have had at variousness times the feeling that my body was not quite the way it should be.

    But lately these questions about my gender are starting to feel like something I need to address. I'm feeling so much discomfort in not quite being myself, and I'm struggling to figure out who "myself" is.

    I suppose at this point I'm trying to figure out...am I simply butch? Androgynous? Genderqueer/nonbinary? Or am I just deep down, male?

    I have been feeling some really strong feelings about my body. I feel like packing and binding could maybe help relieve some of these feelings... I'm feeling strongly that I need to present myself more on the outside to reflect the way I feel inside, which at this point seems to lean towards androgynous... I don't know much beyond this t this point.

    Does anyone have advices on how to sort through these feelings? I'm going to see someone a tad the LGBT centre this week who handles gender and trans resources. And I've been trying to build a support system in the trans and genderqueer community. One good friend has lent me some stuff to read... and of course, I'm introspecting like usual and reading and journaling...

    Any thoughts? Insight?

    ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2016 at 03:00 AM ----------

    Woops that question should be - has anyone found that your understanding of your sexuality has helped open up new understanding of your gender or vice versa...?

    ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2016 at 03:02 AM ----------

    And *advice
     
    #1 baristajedi, Nov 8, 2016
  2. DAFriend

    DAFriend
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    I went through that too. I wondered dominant bit or lesbian, trans male, gay man in a female body, you name it, I asked if it was me.

    Ultimately none fit. Yes I have a gender but, it isn't male or female. I decided there was a third gender that no one much talks about and, that was me. In the process I also learned that I am capable of loving more than one person equally at a time and, that the gender of my partner does not matter to me.

    Now I simple settle for genderqueer, poly, pan. I like that label, it fits the best. I don't play favorites and, I'm not anyone's favorite. I'm just me, take me or leave me. Doesn't matter to me.

    You know it works, I find people that can accept me as I am and, let me be me instead of trying to shove me into boxes I don't belong in.
     
    #2 DAFriend, Nov 8, 2016
  3. BrookeVL

    BrookeVL
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    Lesbian
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    Out to everyone
    My realization of my sexuality also opened up the questioning of my gender. Not the only reason I questioned, but still.
     
    #3 BrookeVL, Nov 8, 2016
  4. looking for me

    looking for me
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    Jedi wrote; My gender is a huge question looming over me right now. Has anyone here found that their sexuality has helped open up more understanding of their sexuality? Or the other way around?

    for me it opened an acceptance that what I though was a naughty little secret could be real, could be the me I hadn't accepted (didn't even know Trans could exist when I was a teen) as time and acceptance of sexuality became rooted and grew, gender became a part of that growth, and with self exploration and help from some great professionals, I have accepted my real/other self. it does take time, for me anyway.

    now to get past the social fear of transitioning....
     
    #4 looking for me, Nov 8, 2016
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