Positive and reasonably confident

I was feeling pretty low yesterday. Not because of anything major, just because I am sooooo missing the human contact.
Husband has not been near me in months. He even sidesteps in the hallway. If I was to ask for or suggest any kind of affection, he would mistake it for a sexual come-on, and presume all was well and dandy. And it would negate all the distance I have seemingly travelled these past few months.
Regardless of my sexuality, I still need that contact, and it's rough knowing it's right there, and I can't have it.
Even when things were 'normal' between us, kisses/cuddles we always a *GO* sign for sex as far as he was concerned. There was no such thing as a snuggle and snog session. It always meant more. *sigh*

I don't know if he just wants to keep the peace, or what, but no comment has been made about my wedding ring coming off. (I took it off because I caught it and minorly cut my finger, so I took it off in case my finger swelled. That was weeks and weeks ago)

That aside, I am feeling pretty confident with my new found 'clear-headed-ness'. It crosses my mind often during the day. I wear a rainbow bracelet/band around my wrist, and so when I see it, it reminds me of my journey and makes me smile.

I have been chatting to a woman online. We haven't met yet. We have so many things in common, it's actually scary. She's in a similar situation to me also. So we can empathise with each other.
One thing it's given me is clarity. :icon_bigg:icon_bigg
It's helped me verify in my own head things that I already know.
- I am talking to 'someone' and feel no guilt. Not good on the marriage front, regardless of sexual orientation.
- She gives me immense butterflies. Again, not good on the marriage side...but also getting rid of any small niggles I had as to whether my questioning was a mechanism to get out of a failing relationship.
- My questioning is not just a sexual need. I have connected with her on an emotional one too.

I am also in the process of finding accommodation away from this house.
I can't wait to begin my life. A life with no lies. Where I am not fitting in some box I feel I need to be in.
Now I just need to climb the mountain that's in the way

I apologise for waffling. Just needed to get it all down.

(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)

 

Coffee date with said woman is tomorrow. I'm absolutely petrified!!! But so excited!! Lol!!