I would like to know if many of you also have had these feelings. I have transitioned to the point now where i can not, would not, will not ever be the old me. I have changed so much from an introvert always with a sense of sadness and despair to the Woman i should have been. I skipped a few years of it, Well to be precise 45 of them. But now the butterfly has emerged from its chrysalis. I am much happier now and have a life to the best of my ability. Happy, rewarding and fruitful. A strange and unexpected tide came over me the other day. I was going to take the last of his clothes and throw them out There wasnt many. Jacket, Couple of tee shirts and a hoodie. But somehow i felt like i was throwing the clothes of someone who has died. You that type of thing where an old married couple are no longer together due to a bereavement and the surviving one just cant release those old tokens of the one no longer with us. Its not as if this was a first step. All my legal documents i care to use are in my new name and gender and as i mentioned at the beginning i have been me for at least 2 years. Now i would never go back to the old me. It wasnt me just the act. o why on earth did it feel like the last goodbye. Why did i have to stop myself crying. Im very happy now. More happy than i have ever been in my life. I have a loving partner, Girlfriends who i call friends and we chat and have a laugh together. and i run my own little business which does ok. I aint never gonna see him again other than in photos etc. Maybe it heralds the end of the physical connection. Please dont read into this and think to yourself "Maybe im just not a woman just a charade" Let me tell you with a smile on my face. I love my life the way it is. Never going back on this path. Anyone else been here?
It felt like that because that is what you were doing. You are a different person living a different life. You took the last step in closing that chapter forever, the last step in killing the old you. It's a bittersweet thing, on one hand a part of you died, you wanted that but, still, there are memories there, good and bad. But a bigger, better, happier part of you finally emerged 100%, you are the you that you were always meant to be now and, that shell that didn't fit is dead. I'm proud of you, you're the sort that will remember without living in the past, take the lessons you learned, use the pain to build a better, stronger, more compassionate you and, learn to live life to the fullest as who you really are.
So im the only one? Strange as i was thinking because the past life is gone for good its like the end of the old person who to me is. As i always talk about it to the few who know of it in a past tense. Maybe it would be a little easier if he did die and not just walk into the mists of time. A gravestone or even a shrine maybe. He was a good fella but not me. The one thing he did leave me was his unique skills and life experiences.
