My husband can not stand my female friend or me mentioning her in conversation. Lately he's been making sarcastic remarks and even made a rude comment in front of family regarding her helping us with something. It was so out of line and I felt totally disrespected.. There is absolutely nothing but friendship there, not even close to anything else. All this is probably happening after a huge fallout last year after telling him I like another woman. He overreacted so much that to avoid a ruined marriage I told him my feelings are in the past. I am coping with all this still, internally, on my own. This friend though is another person. I confronted him about putting me down and speaking badly of my friend's help, esp in front of others.. All I got was more accusations about me texting her 'all the time' (we text once every other day, and it is usually about kids stuff). What do I do? It feels uncomfortable and so unfair to be accused of an 'affair' with a female friend when there is nothing there.. I just feel there there is nothing I can do to make him think otherwise.
It sounds like he has trust issues. Did you guys do any kind of couples counseling? It probably comes from a place of fear since he knows you like women and maybe feels insecure that he can't be everything you need. It isn't an excuse for him to act meanly, but it could be the cause and working through it could mean talking to somebody trained in this sort of thing.
Sounds like when my ex went ballistic over one of my gay male friends. Only difference being, I didn't even try to save that marriage. I filed for divorce. I refuse to be told who can and cannot be my friend or, when I can and cannot talk to them or include them in what I am doing. I felt that if he had really loved or cared about me and, my happiness, he would have respected those I choose as friends. If he could not do that, he did not care about me and, I did not need to be married to him. Your call but, it sounds like he either doesn't really care about your happiness or, he has some serious issues going on.
He is suffering from some major insecurity. Does this all tie back to you coming out to him or was he like this before? He may be very afraid of losing you, angry at you for "making him feel that way" and now directing that anger toward your friend. What he needs to understand is that you have kept your commitment to him, you are continuing to do so but if he continues to drive wedges between you and your friends that HE will end up creating situation in which you will be forced to do the things he fears most. Leave him and find someone else. Unless you have a high tolerance for controlling temper tantrums nobody can stay in a situation like that.
All of you are correct - he probably has a trust issue stemmed from a year ago 'me liking a woman' confession. When we first got married, he had huge tantrums regarding any detail of my past dating life. They did subside to nothing several years later, But that part was ridiculous - he did not care if kids were around to hear him upset about my legitimate past relationships. What bugs me is something else - he is intolerant of the idea of same sex relationship/feelings. Therefore, intolerant of any idea of me even close to possibly being bi. He said it makes him sick. It is confusing though, because I've seen him being nice and non discriminatory to lgbt people before. I can't erase what happened, and I can not change myself, so what now? Now I feel like erasing all her communication
My ex was like that, nice as can be to LGBTQ people outside the home, causal and mutual friends. He even liked lesbian porn and, was supportive of his bisexual daughter but, even knowing I was queer form the day we met, got all bent out of shape when the "queerness" came into my life and was not a mutual friend. Especially gay men for some reason. As if they were the biggest threat to him with me. (and I do have a female body LOL) What a person shows the public and, who they are can be very different. It sound' like you see the real way he feels and he hides that in public.
