Did the straight relationship feel wrong or incomplete in any way? How could you tell something was missing? did you not want to have sex, was there no emotional connection? I am coming to terms with my same sex attraction in a straight relationship, but I am really confused because everything in the relationship is working really well. That makes me think I might be bisexual, but the same sex attraction is just really strong. It's so confusing.
It felt like....work. Like nothing felt what people explained and you are constantly frustrated especially sexually. I know I can't finish without imagining women so that's a huge thing. Do you find any attraction to your current partner?
I was in a relationship with my junior high and high school sweetheart and was even engaged to be married. The relationship with her was going fine for the length of time that we were together and the sex was great. However, if I am to be honest here...although I did not have any physical contact with a guy until awhile after we called off our engagement and went our separate ways...but it was around senior year in school that I started being confused and fearful of the thought that I may be attractive to men but again...never acted on it and suppress these feelings as much as I possibly could. I even remember around this time her and I were having sex and things were really passionate to say the least and this particular time I all of a sudden visualize having sex with the two guys that I am about to speak about below and on the way home that evening...I cried the whole night for having those thoughts. The thing is though that during this time there were a lot of guys that would come on to me whenever they were alone with me. I remember this one popular jock in school would strip naked in front of me whenever or wherever he and I were by ourselves and had made several attempts to kiss me or grind up against me. However, when girls or his buddies were around..he would act all macho but would always acknowledge me which I guess was because I never reciprocated any of his advances towards me. Then there was another football player whom I was really close with and he came to my house one day to borrow a blazer because we were going out to a party later that evening. The thing is that when he was trying on various jackets that I had...I went into the kitchen to get us something to drink and when I came out..he was standing there butt naked with a hard on. He too was grinding up against me and trying to kiss me and he even tried to unzip my pants. He kept saying no one will know..it will be our secret. However, again...I did not reciprocate his advances and better yet...my family was home but they were upstairs because it was a large house and no one came down and I begged him to put his clothes back on and he ran around the house naked laughing at me because he saw the fear on my face of him getting caught. Later that evening while on the way to my house...he tried to kiss me and started putting my hand down his pants. I almost went for it until my mom came down to see if I was on the front porch which scared me back to reality so to speak. I share all of this to say that once these incidents took place from these very attractive guys who kept making advances towards me even after we graduated from high school. This is when for the first time that I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart that from time to time I would visualize these two guys coming on to me and then break into a panic afterwards. The engagement was called off for other reasons which later on I looked at it as a blessing in disguise because once I did make the decision to explore that side of me...I was a single man with no commitments to no one. When I had my first gay boyfriend...I ran into my ex fiance and we exchanged phone numbers and kept in contact with each other. I finally revealed to her that I was gay and in a relationship with a guy. Initially, she was startled and shock. However, after a very long conversation...she was accepting and wanted to meet my boyfriend. She became my close female confidant and kept my sexuality a secret between her and myself. To this day...we still talk from time to time and check up on each other still.
I identify as bisexual and I'm currently married to a man although recently had a crush on a (gay) woman that was pretty intense. I was also definetly having issues in my relationship which were there regardless of sexuality which I think amplified it for me. I do want to have sex with my husband and we do have an emotional connection but I also really want to have sex with a woman. Still haven't really figured out what I'm going to do about that. If same sex attraction is new for you and maybe you have never realised it before perhaps it makes sense that it's strong. Is there someone in particular you are attracted to or just women in general? Do you feel like there is anything missing in your relationship?
I think so.. but I am not even sure if I know what sexual atttaction is anymore. When he touches me, I naturally want to touch him, too, when we are physically close I get turned on and initiate sex, I think about him during the day and feel happy.. I would count those things as attraction, but just not as strong as the attraction I can feel just by looking at women sometimes. I might have suppressed the same sex attraction until recently, but I don't remember feeling it earlier on in our relationship. Thanks for sharing what it was like for you. It's really helpful to read about other people's experiences ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2016 at 01:05 PM ---------- Dirtyshirt, I relate to your post a lot. For me, the questioning process also started with relationship problems and a crush, both of which are over now, but I still feel like I don't know anything about myself and my sexuality anymore, and I hate that - I always thought I was pretty self aware. I really don't feel like there is anything missing in our relationship right now, actually things are really great, but the confusion hasn't stopped. Jonsomebody, thanks a lot for your post. I'm glad to hear that you have such a good relationship with your ex. I relate to the feelings of guilt over same sex attraction. For me, it's not about not wanting to be gay, if I was single I don't think it would be that big a deal, but I really don't want to hurt my partner and I want him in my life. Would you say you had some attraction to your girlfriend at the time?
The ones I've been in were alright. I got dumped before the honeymoon phase ended so I can't really say how I felt about things once I settled into the relationships with a clearer outlook on things
Yes I did and that was the problem because I did not want to hurt her and also I wasn't sure about acting on the attraction that I had because I was still having fear about being gay at that time. My girlfriend and I had been together since junior high school and she lived a couple of streets away from my family which by the way were and still have a very good relationship with as I have with her family as well.
Mifora, THIS post gave me some insight on what I've been experiencing since my same sex attractions have came up so very strongly in the past couple of years. It's has been all very scary stuff but reading posts like the one above have really helped give some understanding to the whole scenario.
