Have courage and strength, believe in yourself and believe that you can figure this out. Give yourself permission to feel what you really feel deep down inside.
I think it's a vicious cycle. I hate you're feeling this way, but it does make me feel like less of a freak because I can relate. I go back and forth between feeling really good about things, really confident, and accepting myself. Then out of no where it hits me and I'm like, damn this is hard and lonely. I don't have anything in particular to help make it better other than to tell you that you aren't alone.