I think it's time to embrace the complexities of my gender and sexuality, rather than running around and around in my head thinking, who am I? What do I need? What does it all mean? I like labels, they help ground me, give me something to anchor myself to. I feel at the moment, even as I realise I'm evolving and always learning (we all are), I feel most comfortable saying I'm genderqueer (and transmasculine) and gay. I'm realising that the person I am and the needs that I have are fairly complex, but that shouldn't make them confusing, that's just what they are. My gender: I am not very tied to the identity of woman - I feel that my whole life, I've always been much more comfortable and true to me when I've embraced myself as male or guy-ish. There are parts of my body that never felt quite right, from the age of 3, I knew that i was meant to have something different than what I was born with (tmi?). I thought one day it would grow and I would be more complete. Those feelings never left me, but they have been at some points inside a box, hidden away. But lately that feeling has gotten stronger and stronger. I think I need to acknowledge that feeling and embrace it. I'm not sure yet what i need to do to feel more complete in that way. I feel more myself when I present more like a guy, and so I've been increasingly shedding my female clothes lately and shopping mostly in the men's dept. Same with my hair, and same with the way I stand sit, walk. As far as pronouns and my name, I'm still a bit unsure what I want to use. But the queer part comes in when I consider that I'm not sure I am fully free from the identity I've been assigned...I need to let myself organically understand it better but I do still feel tied to some aspects of being a woman. Mostly that of being a mom, including pregnancy and nursing... as well as the relationship I've formed with my daughter. And there some parts of being a woman that I've experienced, a shared sense of identity or community, that are still part of me. So if gender is a scale I suppose I take residence more on the male side but I have my foot hanging over into the female side, so something like feeling a bit like a butch woman but in many ways, just a guy. My sexuality: The word gay feels right for me, even though I suppose an outsider might say I'm pan. I see myself with a woman or someone who identifies and presents more as gender queer (whether biologically male or female) most strongly, but I am attracted to guys to some extent as well. Much of this is that I think even if someone identifies strongly as male or female, I'm attracted to some aspect of gender bending or gender questioning. Some part of my attraction relates to how my partner sees *me* as well. I need my complexities in my gender to be seen and loves and embraced. And so even beyond my attraction for women, genderqueer folks and some men, I suppose I fit in best in the queer community, with other queer folk who can really see me and understand me better. I suppose I could just say a blanket - I'm queer. But I feel a lot of calm from using the labels I'm using, they feel right to me, so I suppose that's what matters most. So that's me... that's where I am on my journey. Can anyone relate? Am i the only queer totally complicated (confusing?) person out here?
those labels that feel right to you are yours. you can be as complex as you need to be. I identify as Bi, my son says I seem more pan as gender really doesn't matter to me, I say Queer to reclaim the word and deny those who use it as a pejorative the ability to use it against me. (cant insult me with me:icon_wink) and no, you are not the only complicated person out there/here, trust me :roflmao: Queer is a very large umbrella and I would say you fit no matter what title/label you choose or what chooses you. (*hug*) regarding your gender, you will find your place in the gender cloud, I don't think it's a line like a spectrum that we sit on or move laterally, but a cloud that we move in up/down/front/back/other...., I'm trying to let go of boxes that we are given and make my own, what ever that turns out to be; it will be mine.
Good for you! I already replied in your other thread, but yeah, my queerness is complicated too. And I also find a lot of comfort in labels. I know they're not for everybody, and that's totally cool, but for me there's a sense of peacefulness in defining what I am right now (though I also reserve the right to evolve and identify differently in the future).
Don't worry at all about labels, or anything like that. Take some time to really figure out what you're most comfortable with being, and I think as you do that, it'll be more clear who you want to be with.
I love labels. Which is strange as I never liked the labels that society tried to place on me. Now I choose the labels that feel like they connect within myself. Indigo, Priestess, GenderFluid, Trans, Queer as fuck Female, Dyke, Feminist. All those labels are mine. My identification. My choice. Complicated? absolutely, but I wouldn't change any of them. At least not at the moment.
Thanks lookingforme I am starting to finally realise that in terms terms of my sexuality I can identify with and is even multiple labels, and my complexities and nuances don't T Alex away from any of those labels. I'm gay. I know what that means, and that label is mine and feels right for me. I'm queer. I'm me... And with gender, I really like the idea you talk about of a cloud. That feels like it makes more sense for me as well. I feel like my gender covers more ground than just being a point on a line. I suppose my sexualitybis the same.... ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2016 at 12:27 AM ---------- I feel the same sense of peacefulness in labels. It really helps me to anchor myself. i find that in the questioning period (for sexuality or gender), things can get quite overwhelming. It's helpful to keep in perspective the truths I know for myself, even if those truths eventually grow and evolve. ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2016 at 12:30 AM ---------- I do feel that this idea of finding what I'm comfortable *being* is key. I feel like the actions I'm taking bring me more clarity. Trying men's clothes, going to trans meetups, verbalising my feelings, talking to others. I'm able to see hmm I don't eel that way, oh I suppose this feels more natural than this, etc. ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2016 at 12:31 AM ---------- complicated and awesome!! ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2016 at 12:33 AM ---------- This is so true, the labels others have placed in my me have been so confining. But it helps for me to be able to say, I identify with this this and this. I love your use of multiple labels, it has really struck a chord with how I feel I see myself. ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2016 at 12:35 AM ---------- *on
