I'm a guy and I turned 43 this year. A few months before my birthday I had a sudden thought while speaking to a friend of mine about her sexuality. She had realised a few years ago she wasn't heterosexual and from there has gone on to lead a much happier life. I realised that at times during my life I had considered being with guys before. However, if was limited, very limited. I didn't fantasize about celebs or friends, but once in a while a certain guy would enter my life and at some point I would consider being with them. However these thoughts would soon pass and I would happily return to only being attracted to women. I have always considered myself to have an open mind, and given this reoccurance of thoughts about guys from a conversation I decided to actually give it some thought as I was single. It became apparent soon enough that I not only liked guys, but I wanted to do things with them. I remain deeply attracted to women, and more femme/androgenous guys/women. I know I'm not into 'manly or muscular guys' because of my preferences and desires. I see an attractive woman and my attention is drawn to them, yet I have found myself doing the same with the kind of guys I mentioned. I know that I would not only be willing to date a guy or a woman, as well as any sexual elements. However, my brain cannot seem to make it's mind up. Some days I feel completely bi, somedays I feel more straight, and some I feel more gay. It feels like I'm on a pendulum waiting for it to finally come to a stop. I guess what I'm asking is, have any other Bi men and women found themselves attracted to their own gender when they realised they were Bi? I know I must be Bi as I still like women as much as before, yet somedays and nights guys are all I can think of. I look forward to your replies.
Hi DeadpoolUK, great name btw Welcome to EC! You're making brave steps starting to sort through your orientation. Try not to feel like you need all the answers *right now*. Take things step by step. I would suggest exploring these feelings, perhaps building a support network in your local LGBT community, making friends, learning about others' stories. When you feel comfortable, maybe consider meeting and dating men, see how it makes you feel. If it's too soon for that step, read books and watch films with gay relationships. What feelings does it evoke? Try fantasising about guys. Again, what feelings does it evoke? Your feelings that you get through actions will help you sort through what all of this means. I hope that helps.
Hey Baristajedi Thanks! Your name is great too hehe. It's not so much that I need all the answers to everything right now, for one that is unrealistic with such a recent revelation. I have and continue to explore these feelings, I have no issue with meeting or dating men, or with the fantasy. It merely seems I have more attraction to men right now, which given I still like and have similar thoughts about women made me wonder if others that realised they were bi later had experienced similar? Like putting a puppy in to a ball pit? But thanks for the reply
Please get out of my head :lol:. The most frustrating thing for me is noticing that my sexuality isn't where "I left it." But that's me. Is what it is. I can relate 1000%. As far as pups and ball pits go, personally I noticed that real (as in face to face, oh crap I'm making out with a guy) interactions with guys seem to carry more weight in my memory than with women. Some of it is the taboo/new ground thing. Some is other baggage. Almost more "ya, I'm gay, rock on" then getting said puppy pulled out by the collar the moment some 20 something girl jogs along.... I'm rambling. It sound like you are in a good place (personally) and I know this a supportive place, so again, welcome. PC
Hey PC, I'm calling you that as I can't bring myself to call you that I see from the quote I missed a word :/ It should have said "...any other Bi men and women found themselves more attracted to their own gender when they realised they were Bi?" Oops, but you understood my point thankfully Well nothing is ever 'Where I left it' for me these days, some say it's age, others a well lived life... mine was different, but that's me! My self realisation came at a time when I was trying to work out who I am in general but that's a whole other story. Ah okay, this makes more sense now. I had considered the 'so many choices, the taboo, new experience' as being part of it all. But I have to say it's nice to know this happens to other people. I don't care if I am Bi or if I am gay, but it would be nice if my brain could pick a damn lane I'm rambling too now so, I shall say yes I do personally feel good entering this new life with whatever the outcome is, and for a mind as curious as mine it's nice to get some idea of what is to come.
I am 45. I had this happen also. I don't understand, but basically an LGBT counselor said "it sounds like you have a choice" vs. those who are completely gay or completely straight. The temptation to explore can be strong, but you have a choice. Not much else I can say I guess, except it is bugging me too. I want to understand the real meaning behind it. There are weird dreams or thoughts I have. It is actually good to know others have similar experiences. It is an odd place in the spectrum, but apparently, from this thread, there are several in the same spot. :icon_bigg
Thanks BiGuy365, It's good to know that others have experienced the same, though I wish we didn't have to. I honestly don't mind if I am Bi, or Gay and my brain is slowly adjusting. But that counselor does make sense. Well let's all stick together, we can share the crazy
