(Female) Tops vs. Bottoms

Eh...I tend to use the gay male definition of top/bottom, so that would make me a submissive/passive sort of top. I would wear the strap-on or use dildos on my girl, but I prefer her to take the inititive and give me some orders on what to do. I don't like receving penetration, and will not, so I guess "passive top" works for me.

I don't like BDSM type of extreme submission (pain, bondage, etc) so that sort of thing is out. The top/bottom terms are too confusing between two women to me, I mean I'm more submissive/passive, but I'm still a giver.

 

I've actually wondered what I'll be in a relationship. I prefer a balance in "my dreams," where we both give and receive. Really the only thing I'm NOT comfortable with, is actually using my genitals to penetrate.

I think maybe you should find a girl who's more "verse," Cali. They might be more your style. Plus you'll get to see what it's like on both ends.(I'm not emotionally available right now, sorry.):lol:

 

My woman likes to be the "underneath". I am new to the community also so not really sure what is required being the top in a female relationship, have not been with a woman. I do in vision myself on top, so we seem to be compatible that way. I have asked and she says we will figure it out. We are both emotionally available to each other. She has commented that she has only been in one relationship where she gets every thing. I infer that to mean in a relationship were the top is emotionally available and dominant in a good way. She is a fem and she does call me a tomboi, is that the main thing about top and bottoms? Are Fem's mostly bottoms, to stereotype? Any advice for a fledgling Topper in a female relationship is welcome.....

 

I'm a very submissive bottom, but I also like to be a very submissive top at times. I don't use a strap-on; I always receive it. But something about being held in another woman's arms while I'm on top gets me going. I'm like a baby koala that clings, lmao.

I've also met many emotionally vulnerable dominant tops in my experience.

 

Just text her back, "sorry but I don't think you and I will be sexually compatible."

---------- Post added 4th Dec 2016 at 06:08 PM ----------

And let her know you aren't interested any longer.

---------- Post added 4th Dec 2016 at 06:08 PM ----------

And let her know you aren't interested any longer.

 

Hehe, clustergazelle in "my dreams." Lol.

I imagine I could be seen as a total pillow princess **rolls around in satin sheets**. Lol, jk. Sort of.

I haven't done that much with women, or dated, but the chicks I've been around who are butchier/androgynous tend to be a mix of both, and at different times - only some emotionally unavailable, but that has nothing to do with them being more dominant. Straight up lesbros usually love being bottoms, which is hilarious to me.

Im gonna say that being emotionally unavailable has nothing to do with topping. That's like believing that women who love to be on top and dominant in bed are detached from having stereotypical feminine emotions because they're doing something deemed hetero: being the "masculine" in bed because they take charge and do the screwing. There are plenty of dominant and submissive mixes in homo and heterosexual relationships - women who take charge with men; men who take charge with women; women who take charge with women; men who take charge with men. It's all in the personality. Just strike emotionally unavailable people from your list and you'll be left with a mix of tops who fit the bill.

 

I know how you feel. I want it, too. It's possible. I've met them, even though the relationships didn't last. But a lot of relationships fail for different reasons. Do not settle for overly sexual women who just want sex. I am instantly turned off by those types, no matter how attractive they are.

 

YeahpIdk: You know, like fantasies.

I'm also what you would consider a "pillow princess" and I'm emotionally unavailable right now. See Cali, we come in all kinds.

 

Wait about a year. Is it okay if she still has a penis?

Joking aside, I really do hope you find that. Actually no I don't hope, I KNOW you will. I've been routing for you since you got here. You deserve all of that, just be patient.

 

Trust me caliwoman, I understand the desire that you have for who you are looking for. I'm looking for someone similar as well, so I get the frustration. But things like this do take time, at least that's what I'm told.

 

Cluster is cracking me up. As always.

And yes, I agree with Rachyl. We're all looking for the person we want! Someone is out there looking for someone like you. Try not to have a riged list of must haves, though. That's all!

 

I understand that feeling too Caliwoman. In the last 18 months, i've had two relationships with women that couldn't give me what I needed, or I couldn't handle them being not able to connect with me emotionally. It's frustrating in the fact that both times I thought they could be the one. I mean the dream was there, even started looking into the cost of an in town Uhaul. lol. Anyhow, trust me you're not alone in your feelings. I hope that you find what you are looking for. I hope we all do.

 

In town Uhaul, so you got to the second date then?

We'll all find our special women, and when we do, all this will seem like a distant memory. A dream, if you will.

 

I'm a top. And I'm pretty emotional as much as I try to play myself as not a emotional person.

I'm sorry you had some bad luck. As a top right now, I'm not emotionally there but I'm pretty upfront before I start with a lady. I haven't even slept with a lady since I split from my husband a few months ago. Just flirting and checking out the scene does it for me unless someone really wants to take it up a notch.

Occasionally I can imagine myself as a bottom-just to spice things up. I always noticed I can go back and forth between things. Girls are always so surprised when I change out of my baggy jeans/shirt and put on a LBD with my hair down and makeup on.

Hopefully I can get that emotional connection-I heard its nice.