Update one year later

Sorry for title. I suck at them.


Its been a true year since I resurfaced my feelings about being gay and honestly I wouldn't have believed myself if I said I susceeded in three critical things.

1. Gathered the courage to come out to my parents a second time and stayed firm.

2. Break up with my seven year husband that I only married for a year and a half (which he must have cared so deeply because he wouldn't let me leave the apartment without telling him why I was so upset for awhile).

3. Not have that little voice in my head calling me a liar or the uncomfortable feeling of pushing down my sexuality and completly withdrawing from everyone.

Of course I been through hardships like trying to take care if everything while my husband is going through his process. My family suddenly distancing themselves, finciancial issues, my sudden weight gain but I'm doing steps. What once I would go home and cry for hours turned into me being productive.

A few things helped including the this place and wearing my pride bracelet. Having that confidence on who I am is great.

Slowly gaining friends who are lgbtq and it's scary but I'm slowly opening up. Baby steps count great.

Next I'm getting my ass in shape and passing that stupid fitness test. I know I did I once. I can do it again!

Thank you all for the inspirational posts and to those who need a little bit of light; one it gets better and two you're not alone.

Link

 

Thanks Chip. The site has also grown since I was a member back in 08 and its really great at helping others.

I wished I didn't have my doubts and become so influenced by my parents reaction but it's all in the past. They are pretty good with it now and so far I'm having Christmas with them.

What makes me excited is to help others who are in my spot and I have this experience of trying to stamp down that attraction-especially when you're very 'straight looking'.

I think the only thing I need to work on my parents is for them to understand why I became so damaged from their reaction a long time ago. My father the man he is claims that I wanted to stir up trouble and compared me to admitting my sexuality to the time I tried being a vegetarian (lasted less than a day and I realized I love meat).

To get to the point now where I am happy I'm gay and I never want to go back is such a amazing milestone. I don't think there's anything in the world that can make me go back or 'cure' myself. It's never an illness to begin with and it's not negative. Just a part of myself that I love and accept.

 

Thanks, it does take courage but you guys, and a lot of good support from my friends helps a ton. I never considered myself brave or strong before this year.

(Gasp) You can do it! Lots of greens, and healthy meats plus a good workout routine. I did the no carb diet (it worked but the minute you put a piece of bread on your lips you gain double back). So, allow your body composition to work itself out, get yourself feel good on the inside-that's my first goal. That and run 5K straight without stopping-that's a biggie.

Honestly, that's the least talked about thing when people are going through this process while in a marriage-the physical ones. Lack of sleep=bags under your eyes, the weight gain (or loss even), my acne flared up like crazy because I was under such a high amount of stress, and oddly enough at my lowest point, I stopped caring about my personal hygiene because I was so depressed.

So, taking those baby steps to take care of yourself really matter in a person. I felt great when I finally went to the dentist, or I got that haircut that I needed (thick hair sucks), or even when I got rid of the acne on my face.

Now it's to stop peeling the skin off my finger nail area: I started last year when this all started and it ends now. Everything looks good except my left thumb; the trouble maker.

Thank you so much for the support.