Today my emotions kind of caught me off guard, and I'm a bit moved by the day's events. Today was the first time I brought my daughter (she's 4) to an lgbt event. I've felt on most occasions like getting out and going to those events was part of me sorting through my needs in this part of my life, and I needed that space to be just for me. Now though, these events have become simply a part of my life, an extension of this part of my identity, a place where I can see people from a community I've built for myself. It was a Christmas concert, very family friendly so perfect for her, and I was able to introduce her to all of these people, who know my journey, who are actually a huge part of my journey. She saw other kids there from LGBT families, and I essentially brought together this person who is my world, and thus community which plays such an important part in my journey. The emotions really hit me when the first performer came on stage, and the notes from the song started playing, and he sang Rise Like a Phoenix. Something about the songs that he was singing, about pride, which usually inspire me to feel so much hope and strength that I can live my truth; and my daughter being on my lap, being with me in that experience.... it was very emotional, very warm and meaningful to me. And the conversation was just so warm and evoked such a feeling of family and community, I think I felt for the first time as well, this is what the future can look like. This is what can bring me the sense of home and warmth that I need to maintain with my daughter. I felt in this experience --- that, if I'm living my truth, and she's part of that truth, it feels like my heart can be so full, and so warm and so content. It was powerful. I'm feeling rather moved and emotional about it right now. ---------- Post added 10th Dec 2016 at 04:06 PM ---------- *not conversation - that should say *experience* (autocorrect)
I so happy for you baristajedi ! beautifully put. It can difficult to imagine our futures because we're learning as we go later in life as Sienna Fire says, second adolescence, but we have grown up responsibilities!
I should add, just that, going there today too, with my daughter made me realise just what a warm and family-like community I have in the LGBT community as well. I've made so many truly real friends, a good number of whom were there today. Friends I've shared my journey with so candidly, who've shared their journeys with me. We've encouraged and supported and listened to eachother through some very raw emotional experiences. And to bring my daughter into this community felt so important and so emotional to me. I'm just going on at this point I supppose... ---------- Post added 10th Dec 2016 at 04:37 PM ---------- Thank you, finding joy! Yes that uncertainty of the future, especially with my daughter in mind, has overwhelmed so much at times. But the future can be beautiful, can be full, can be right. I went to a counselling session a few days ago and he said something to the effect that people are happiest when they're living most congruently with their truth. And i suppose I have thought about that in terms of what that means for myself, my own personal happiness. But today I suppose I saw a glimpse of how that cam mean so much for my relationship with my daughter and my daughter's experience of love and warmth and happiness as well.
I don't usually post on my own posts unless someone else responds... but I'm feeling so many feelings right now. I feel I need to say them somewhere. I don't know how to articulate what I'm feeling. It's this feeling of being far from home, but knowing maybe for the first time, that maybe on some level, we can make our own home here. Even with my ex and I splitting up our home, that feeling of family, I'm building it on my own. I have for a while felt like the new friends I'm making, both in the lgbt community and even outside of it, are people who are real true friends, and I'm starting to feel a sense of home around them. It's because I've been so vulnerable with these friends, we've opened up to each other in such real ways. But I'm finally now realising that this feeling can encompass my daughter as well. We have to create it, I suppose, when we really need it (a feeling of family and home). My family will always be there, but they're quite far. And so here are these amazing friends, such supportive people in my life, who are happy to embrace me and my daughter. I'm feeling really encouraged right now, at the thought that I can be me, really be me, and that doesn't have to come at the expense of my daughter, and in fact, can make her life even richer, fuller. Living my truth... it's been a worry for some time that living my truth would come at the expense of others' happiness. It's not a cake walk, of course, people are getting hurt. We're all going through pain and adjustment, but it is the right path. It's the one that is the best for us all.
they are responsible for their own happiness. you are responsible for yours, and your daughters. I think it's so wonderful that you brought your daughter to an LGBT event, and that they have family events, especially a Christmas event, very little of that in the queer community here and in most of North America I think. now your daughter can grow knowing an accepting environment and wont have the baggage so many of us have, coming from an earlier time, gives me hope.
I know you're right, I just have to keep reminding myself about that. And I see more and more that my daughter really can have a very happy and secure childhood after the separation, just like I will. I'm really lucky that the LGBT centre here offers so much for adults and families. I'm realising more and more how rare that is. I'm so happy as well that my daughter has this community too, it does offer a lot of hope for how she and other kids can grow up as part of such a diverse and lovong environment.
