I need to cry, I need time alone, I need to listen to music, I need to think. but I also want to be able to lean on people, I want support, I want my family, I want to open up to my friends. I know I'm building this new life for myself and I know I have the strength to get through it. I'm making a community, I'm finding ways to keep myself positive. I'm getting through it. I will get through it. But I want...a hug. I want to sit down and have a cup of tea with my mom, to have a coffee with my best friend, to share one of our glances where I know she gets it and she's supporting me. I want to get back under the blankets and hug my pillow and forget about these pressures and fears for a day. Or to let myself cry through the pain. I don't know why I keep posting. Sorry for filling up the board with my ramblings.
Barista, I'm right there with you....different reasons, but as I write this, I'm tearing up again. Who knew I could cry this much. I hope your day goes well. You are an inspiration, just remember that. You are doing great.
I don't know if will help but I always try and remind myself that if I didn't have the rough days like you are today I wouldn't know how good the good days were. Anyway, thinking good thoughts for you
Thank you bikermm (*hug*) it does help to remind myself of that. this will pass and I'll be onto better days. Tomorrow anyway I work from home, that will be really helpful in giving me a bit of time and space away from others.
you arent rambling hun. all those things are things we all need, building new lives or not. but especially now, time from the new, the stress, the old.... you cant pour from an empty cup, self care is soo important. you're doing great, keep it up. and take time for yourself. oh and here's that hug (*hug*)
Thanks lookingforme (*hug*) I'm working from home today, which helps a bit. I'm thinking of taking a day off next week...
you should do that, have the other parent take your daughter for a daddy daughter day, and make that time a You Day. listen to music, have a hot bath, talk to some friends, go for a long quiet walk....
It's decided, I'm definitely going to do that, I really need it! ---------- Post added 15th Dec 2016 at 07:45 PM ---------- Thank you starlite! And welcome to EC (*hug*)
You are definitely not alone! I know the feeling, all too well. I'm sure me saying that doesn't help, but it's true. I recently came out to myself (aka accepted/fully realized that I'm gay) and have told a handful of people since then. And, though in some ways it has been freeing, in other ways it seems very daunting to begin a "new" life. I go back and forth from day-to-day, hour-to-hour even. I've been feeling upset in the last few days, as well. That's what happens when I don't "block it out" or ignore it. So, I will say this to you-- it's not any easy journey but it has to be worth it in the end, right? Living an honest, open life, that is. I'm glad Empty Closets exists because I feel like it's somewhere I can reach out when I'm feeling lonely or upset or worried. I'm glad you reached out. We're all here for you
Thank you (*hug*) You're right that living an honest open life is worth it. That's what I keep reminding myself. In the end this is the more rewarding choice. I know my daughter will benefit from it too, having the model of living my truth. Big hugs to you, while you work through this and find your courage to live your truth as well (*hug*) *kiss*
I must confess, I was feeling very overwhelmed today and when I saw your response it gave me a lump in my throat. "Big hugs to you, while you work through this and find your courage to live your truth as well." That is such a simple, sweet yet magnificently profound thing to say, when you really think about it. Maybe I'm overreacting but it just really hit me when I read it. So, thank you. We're all on this journey and I'm extremely thankful to have EC. Hugs to you, as well (*hug*) I hope you're having a better day today than you did yesterday. I hope tomorrow is even better.
I'm so glad I could encourage you I'm extremely thankful for this community too! How are you doing? If you feel like sharing what was troubling you, I'm happy to listen (*hug*) I am feeling better as well, my moods go up and down but I feel like the net effect is forward progress and that feels good.
I didn't mean to hijack your thread:icon_redf I guess what's been troubling me is just trying to figure out a way to actually start dating. I think since I've come to accept that I'm not straight, it's made it very obvious that I have a strong desire to finally meet someone. I've never been in a relationship with a woman and I just want to find someone who I have a connection with. I often get a sudden feeling of panic that it'll never happen for me; it hits me at the most random times, too. I could be hanging out with friends or reading and it'll just hit me. I hope I don't end up alone but I must say that I do feel more hopeful than when I was lying to myself about being straight. I guess the thought of living a happy "straight" life seemed impossible to me even if I didn't know exactly why. When I would picture myself with my future husband, I felt miserable and like I just wanted to have a couple kids then divorce him (that sounds awful, I know. Now at least I imagine myself being in love with my future wife :badgrin: As you can see, even within this post I'm quite back and forth from hopeless to hopeful. That's just how I seem to be, these days!
actually start dating; this I understand. im not sure I even really knew how to date back when I was single the first time trying to date in the hetro world. now in the queer community, and later in the trans community, oy vie.... none of us want to end up alone, im sure, but I am learning that if you are your best friend you can be alone and comfortable. having someone to share with, cuddle with and be intimate with is so desirable however. make any sense?
