It's been an interesting couple of days. GF basically twisted arm so that I would end the relationship. I truly believe that now. I think that she did have a lot of issues with the not integrating into my home life, but she is so miserable in her job that I believe it ultimately was because she wants permission, if only in her mind, to leave this place. I always did tell her that she should put in for a transfer if she wants to. I don't know if she believed me or not, but having worked at the same place I understand her frustration and need to get out of there. I did what she asked, and then she changed her mind and started with the I don't know if I can do this thing. I cried so much, but then I've cried more in the past couple of months than probably the past ten years combined. But then, I kept the counseling appointment I made for us. Normally I take my daughter, so I have only gone by myself one other time. I cried through the whole thing, even though I tried not to, and our counselor pretty much stood by her thoughts on why my daughter needs to have this one place in her life undisturbed. I left and I haven't cried since. Okay, I've teared up a couple of times, but the full on sobbing at the thought of the breakup has ceased. I haven't heard from her, and I haven't tried to contact her. I miss her so much, but I feel like we don't need to be communicating right now. It has been a rough couple of months and I hate it because the 12 months before that were amazing (at least to me). She became my best friend, my love, my everything. I want to remember the great year, not the two months of drama and crying and fighting. So, I'm going to try to focus. But this hurts, and it's going to hurt for a long time. I know that. When I love, I love. But, just needed to put this down, more for myself than anybody else. I'm going to be okay.
the old saying that if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours and if it doesn't it never was comes to mind. Hugh HUGS hun(*hug*) keep chugging along for your daughter and yourself.
Hey afgirl, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of things. I wonder if you might want to check out other counsellors. I think a second opinion might be in order. Not that she's necessarily wrong but maybe you need different ideas how to move forward. As someone once said, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity. Your gf is "gone", not by your choosing, but this is what your daughter wanted, right? So now it might be time for her to give up something on her end of things. Less bad attitude, more compromising. Whatever you'd like her to make an effort with. I think it's particularly important that she doesn't get the idea that she "won". You need time to heal emotionally but your mother-daughter dynamic needs to change and she needs to know it. Nobody's happiness should be sacrificed for the sake of someone else's.
I'm so sorry to read this outcome. Sounds what you need is counseling with your daughter before you attempt another relationship.
My daughter is an amazing person. She is smart, in NHS, active in school, never gets in trouble, doesn't do drugs, doesn't sleep around. As the Counselor puts it, her one issue is that she's spoiled and that's what we're working on. Her father has NEVER been an active part of her life, only minor monetary contribution. Well, a little over a year ago he became angry at being asked to go in half on a pageant dress and basically cut off money as his form of punishment. Granted, there wasn't really any other way he could hurt her. I'm sure he meant to hurt me as well, but I don't care anything about him. The way the divorce was written I would have to take him back to court in another state and she's already past 16 and the legal age in Georgia is 18, unlike Mississippi, which is 21. Add to that he does not work and lives on his military retirement/disability. This works because he married a woman who he lives off of. So, the attorney I spoke to basically said over the next two years you might get $10K out of him, and I would have to give her half of that. I tried going through the state but they cannot assist unless the divorce decree is amended. Also, we don't have any family anywhere near us. So, basically I am all she has. Yep, me. That's it. The Counselor is adamant that although I should have my own life with whom I like, the fact is the home is her safe place and I am all she has and right now her mental well-being is more important than me bringing somebody into the home. I am not trying to do anything but explain why this is so important in her case. Yeah, basically because her father is such an a$$ and wants no part of her life, I have that added burden on me. Anyway, maybe that helps with the understanding of the situation. Not that it makes me happy, but she is my child.
Fair enough. I just thought a new set of eyes might give you some new tools to work on the situation. Or a new way for your daughter to think about these things. Ease her into accepting it from a different perspective. Good luck!
