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An announcement, that unknown force that help me in check

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by brainwashed, Dec 16, 2016.

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  1. brainwashed

    brainwashed
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    Disclaimer: This post is intentionally vague so as to protect my identity.

    As I continue to read Farm Boys, by Will Fellow, diving deep into testimonials by people my age (actually older than me), reflecting, these words kept coming up - I've known I was gay or I figure out I was gay, quite often these young men figured this out early in life.

    So why didn't I figure it out? I was not as isolated as they. What is that GREAT inhibitor? I had a time line from my teen years captured in my journal. I know all the "things" that happened to me in my teens, including possible rape. But what great force held me back?

    Death. (I will not elaborate) If I did not behave per "normal" social standards, I would have put my self in line to possibly being killed - or at least that is my perception in my teen years. (and that was a real possibility) (I am not embellishing to get your sympathy or attention.)

    This very real threat kept me in check pretty much stating when I was 14.
     
    #1 brainwashed, Dec 16, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2016
  2. johndeere3020

    johndeere3020
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    Now don't be overthinking things. Everyone's life is different and everyone comes to different realizations at different times in their lives.

    I have two people that are related to me, one is gay and the other I think is bi. One asked me once, after our grandmother died at over 100, why I never confided in her for she had a lot of gay friends and was accepting. Who would have thought?
     
    #2 johndeere3020, Dec 16, 2016
  3. Patrick7269

    Patrick7269
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    When I was a teenager there was domestic violence and lots of slurs toward gays. A family member committed physical violence toward me because he thought I might be gay.

    Today I wonder why I live such a careful, timid life. I'm sure there's a connection.
     
    #3 Patrick7269, Dec 17, 2016
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