How's your holiday season?

I separated from my husband in November last year. We got together on Christmas Day to try and keep things the same for our son, but it went badly. My husband couldn't cope, and my son felt that the atmosphere was awkward, and so this year we didn't try it again.

I spent Christmas Day with my sister and her family. I cried a bit when I first got there, because it was my first Christmas Day apart from the others, but otherwise things went OK.

I am seeing my son later today. Things are a bit complicated, because he lives with my husband, who is still too upset to speak to me, after over a year has passed. So I can only see my son when his dad is out. My son will not come to me because he is on the autism spectrum and hates new situations. he may come one day, but it would be unhelpful for me to try and push him at this point in time.

This Christmas season has also been complicated by the fact that I moved into my new house just 3 days ago. Not the best of timing, but the whole house-buying process had been dragging along since August and was beset by a variety of problems, so I'm just glad to be in, despite all the chaos.

So to add to the first Christmas apart from my husband and son, the fact I have moved out of my temporary rented flat into my own permanent house signifies the point of no-going-back, the ultimate evidence that our marriage is over.

So all in all, it has been a tumultuous Christmas season so far!

 

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/holiday-season-new-year-forum/227975-new-holiday-traditions.html

 

Our family has been pretty low-key about Christmas for a long time. This year's gathering was very much the same as previous years, but with the addition of our first grandchild who was both Nov. 29. I'm sure it helps that my wife and I are being amazingly amicable as we go through divorce, our kids (both adults) are completely accepting, and my 93-year old mother-in-law is also accepting and wants me to continue as part of the extended family.

It was a little awkward for me when a man I've seen once called me on my cellphone Christmas eve and I stepped outside to take his call, wishing me Merry Christmas. His relationship with his ex and family is not nearly as good, so he was not spending Christmas with his family and sounded lonely.

Our paths are certainly all different. I feel blessed that mine is progressing as positively as it is. I had a good conversation with my older son, father of my granddaughter, during a walk in the snow together Christmas eve. Our talk included the difficulty of finding new friends and relationships as we get older (even for 30-somethings compared to college students). We talked about me using ****** and Craigslist to connect with people, and whether we should set mom up with an account on **********.

So for us, the holidays have been essentially unchanged this year.

 

This is my first holiday season being Out. Since I'm bi and my coming out didn't involve major family changes, not a lot is different from past years. 2016 was a big year of changes for me (all good, except for the election in November), so it's been a period of reflection. I've been filling two positions at work for most of the year, which pretty much prevented me from using any vacation time, so now I have most of three weeks off at the end of the year.

It's not related to holidays, but my wife has recently gotten more comfortable referring to me as "queer", which is a word she didn't use to like at all. I take it as a sign of support and increased comfort with me being out - she is using it in the empowering context, not as a put-down.

Happy holidays everybody!

 

Honestly, Christmas was fucking terrible. Dysphoria abound, depression, and being sick and constipated on top of it.....I'm ready for new years, hopefully I can at least find a party to get black out drunk at.

 

Well this is my second holiday being out to myself as queer and my first since leaving home. Last year's one was explosive enough with my mum finding lgbt sites on my computer and opening them in front of family, and being given a bible for soul searching by my religious aunt. Followed by months of interrogation by my mother. So was a bit apprehensive for this year.

Basically my mum has told me "by the end of this holiday your gonna tell me whats going on with you", which makes me wanna run back to university real fast, and I've endured a whole dinner conversation on Christmas Eve between her and my religious aunt that was horrifically homophobic... Like I literally did not expect any conversation to be that saturated in awfulness. Worst quotes (by my my aunt, she was leading it) include "if I put my child up for adoption because I had to, and he was adopted by a homosexual couple... Man, I would be tracking down that child to go take him back .... Haha cos to me, you know, that's like HANDING YOUR CHILD OVER TO THE DEVIL!!!" and paraphrasing here "5 years ago, you never would've thought a preist would marry a gay couple in a church! You know?! NEVER! Well that's happened. And you can't imagine it in a million years now, but you know we couldn't imagine gay marriage: I see in the future, the same thing will happen with.... You know... Pedophiles." I was freaking out about how not to look shifty when I was red hot and tense so eventually I had to act as if I was sympathetic to what she was saying. What worries me more is that my mum was sympathetic and although she wasn't fully on that level, she was not faking it like me - I know she sort of has a funny view of gay people.... I just never connected it to something this extreme - but this is the family she comes from! So yeah, k wanna get away from home quick after that.

 

For me, Christmas was alright. However, there was family drama and I don't really feel like I can be my full self around most of my family. The ones that do know I'm gay don't actually acknowledge it or talk about it so something about that kind of sucks. Also, I'm sick of little catty bitchy comments being made about me by mother and sisters for the sake of getting a laugh out of my oldest siblings, their families, and cousins.

 

Christmas has been pretty good, lots of presents for my son. he didnt ask for much but i got him a few surprises, new things for me as i move towards transition. had our Christmas eve feast of roast lamb, then a big Christmas morning breakfast, then up to my parents for Christmas dinner, yup way too much food

i dropped my son off to spend a few days with his mom and her parents, and had a nice visit with my younger brother and his wife and grown kids who were out to see our parents, cracking jokes about guys with my niece. so far so good... haha

 

This year has been surprisingly good. This year is the 2nd xmas in a row where I have only spent time with my close family, as they are accepting of who I am, and don't ask questions.

I have avoided my very religious grandmother this year, and last year, as she is very outspoken and I always find I have to go back in the closet when I visit/spend time with her. I have also avoided uncles, aunties and cousins who always ask questions about whether I've got a boyfriend etc.

I don't like avoiding family, but if it makes me feel better (rather than worse) then I think its necessary.

 

the trans thing isnt out so, no input there yet. the queer thing is all out and i feel so comfortable i dont allow others any negativity, not that i've gotten any from my family, or pretty much anyone else for that matter.

 

That's exactly it, I'm tired of always feeling like I'm putting on a show. It's tiring. I do have friends I'm out to, but only a select few, and only one is close enough to me(physical location wise) to actually hang out. We'll see.

 

This was my first Christmas back in my own country, with my family. The day was OK, went by fast. My birthday was the next day... had some friends over. No one of course mentions the "pink elephant in the room" and my mother mentioned some blah blah to a neighbour about one day having a daughter-in-law... yet my whole family knows as I came out to them 11 years ago and I have had 2 boyfriends.
I cried when no one was around.

 

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I'm so sorry (*hug*) It's really tough when your family's not supportive. Are your friends more supportive or is it the same with them? Big hugs to you. And happy birthday by the way. I hope you have a good support system where you live. Do you have good friends near you?[/QUOTE]

My friends really are very supportive. For them it's not even an issue and they can joke and tease me all they want because I know they love me no matter and I can be me around them. Sadly none of them live near me at all.

Thank you for the birthday wish (*hug*)

 

I know Barista! It's very exciting, but at the same time I sometimes get frustrated that it's moving so slow! But you're right, I'm certainly getting there.