Hi, I joined this forum a while ago but haven't posted anything really. Been struggling over the Christmas period though and thought it might be a good place to get support/advice. I'm currently separating from my partner and father of my daughter, as I've realised that I am attracted to women and never really have been to men. Sounds strange that you can manage a 10 year relationship with someone you're not attracted to but there you go! The power of denial... Anyway, I realised my feelings toward women because I began to have feelings for my partner's sister. Messy as hell. She is in a relationship with kids as well. I actually met my partner through her as we've been friends for a long time and we've always been close, but it's not until recently I've realised my feelings. I think she feels it too from the way she acts, looks she gives me etc. But we haven't spoken about it. I think I need to cause holding this all in is driving me crazy. But it's such a delicate situation involving a lot of people I care about and I don't want to hurt anyone. Just really don't know what to do. Feel so lost and miserable and really don't see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! (*hug*) I can imagine that it is a difficult time for you presently. It's not easy going through a separation, and also trying to deal with the emotions that come with realising you have fallen for someone else in the meantime. It would definitely be good to talk with someone about it all. Do you have someone in your life that you can trust, and who would be willing to lend an ear? Sometimes, talking about everything out loud can help in identifying some strategies that will help with moving forward. It might be worthwhile to trying to concentrate on the immediate steps, of finalising the separation, and taking some time for yourself so that you too get a break from things and can start living your life, without having the feeling of being in denial, or hiding. Concentrating on it, might also help with ensuring that everyone can move forward sooner rather than later. Given that you and your partner have always been close and indeed friends, it is possible that with time, things might take on a new 'normal' as it were, but where the both of you speak with each other.
Thanks for your reply I've spoken to various people but haven't really told anyone the 'full story' so maybe that will be a good place to start. For the last 10 years I have had only my partner for emotional support and I can't talk to him about this, it's so hard. I think you're right about concentrating on the separation, although that's easier said than done as I can't seem to concentrate on anything at all at the moment! I will give it my best shot though.
Hi, Maybe that would be a good starting point. Opening up a bit more could help. It might also give others an opportunity to help more, or at least be there more for you than they might be at the moment. I wonder, have you had a chance to seek some additional support, say for example by speaking with a counselor who could provide you with additional insights or feedback? It is hard to go through it, and it does take a lot of energy. I can imagine that it feels overwhelming rather quickly at times. Taking it day by day might help with accomplishing the small steps as it were. (*hug*)
I do have some numbers for some counsellors that I will call after new year. I've seen therapists before but managed to dodge the sexuality subject in the past, definitely ready to talk about it now though so I'm sure that will help. It's the hardest thing I've ever done (until now, I would have said the hardest thing I'd done was quit smoking - that feels like nothing compared to this! ), and logically I know it will be for the better ultimately, but wading through all this emotion and uncertainty in the meantime is certainly overwhelming.
Glad to hear that you are planning on getting extra support, and wanting to talk about things. I can definitely relate to wanting (or having the feeling of) to trying not to talk about sexuality even with a counsellor. It's hard to let go off the fears and the what ifs. But in an important respect, you have accepted yourself, and it seems are ready to embrace the true self, which can make things (for the lack of a better term) 'easier' to open up. I am glad that you were able to start writing your thoughts and fears out. Please feel free to continue doing so - whenever you feel the need to. Know that we are always here for you. (*hug*)
