My wife and I were finally able to have a legitimate, calm and sober conversation about my bisexuality recently. It was amazing! It wasn't the first time I've come out to her about my homosexual desires/needs. I've been telling her for twenty years now....haha! She's been in deep denial. I've never wanted to leave her during our marriage but I couldn't take pushing my desires/needs aside. Hiding my thoughts from her, repressing a part of myself to please her. To not bother her with my perversion. But recently I decided enough was enough I gave her the option of accepting me as bi and very gay leaning or not accept me for who I am and lose me. I am happy being who and what I am and I can't change it even if I didn't. I'm still not totally comfortable in my own skin, but I'm getting there. I needed my wife to understand I can still love and make love to her, but there can be no hiding the fact any longer that I am totally turned by men and I get very sexually aroused by the prospect of being with men in a sexual way. She knew I had gay tendencies when we met. (Her boyfriend and I were lovers at one point. I always confessed my bisexuality but she never seemed to truly accept it as reality. Now she does. She admitted the fear of admitting to herself her husband was gay. She thought when we married twenty years ago she would be enough for me and my gay issues would stop. Obviously they didn't. I feel great that she can see me as I want to seen now. How I feel. What things are important to me no matter how she feels about them. Not afraid to browse the gay movies on Netflix or watch purely gay porn because sometimes I just want see guys doing guys. I hope it sticks! Haha. My only real fear now is finding out that now that I'm completely out to her,I'll lose the attraction I have to her and realize I'm only really attracted to guys.
Congratulations on your wife acknowledging this, that's a huge step! Just take it one day at a time. let yourself explore your feelings without thinking just now about what it means in the long run, you'll know as time goes by what your needs are.
I just opened up to my wife about my life long struggle to accept my sexual orientation a little over a month ago now. Next to admitting to myself I'm bisexual, telling her was the hardest thing I have ever done by far. Looking back I left clues over time, still not sure if I was just completely stupid, or trying to say this is who I am without the words crossing my lips to her. Its not been easy, but I'm glad I told her. I feel like I can finally be authentic to myself, and her now. I know this is a process, and huge shock for her, so it will take time to work thru. We've started that. We also decided we no intentions of separating, as we both love each other far to much to throw away 20 years of being together and happy. I just wish I could take back time and told her long ago. That was my biggest mistake.
