I like women but also hate them. ??

Do you think there's any chance that's your way of distancing yourself from women? I know before I came out, I often felt really put off by most women. Some if it is related to certain gender norms and expectations but much of it was my way of distancing myself from other women.

 

This is something common.

It could also be that you're simply surrounded by "stereotypical straight" women and just aren't into that type of personality.

It could also help to try and become friends with some women first and try to see them as full people with all the negatives and positives. Sure the bitching can be something that would stop you but people usually have other more likable sides once you get to know them. If you stop reducing people to your first impression that could help you understand them and make you able to form a connection ( I know this sounds like criticism towards you but it isn't meant as such, I can understand very well where you're coming from).

It could also help to get to know people outside of a group. Women inside a group tend to think more...political and thus behave worse. Most are actually more likable once you get to know them as individuals.

(urgh..this post is so generalizing...sorry...)

It could also help to try and get into a different social circle because people there might have a mindset that's more like your own.


Lastly I'd say that you shouldn't force those things..friendships and relationships usually develop naturally with time..you just have to give them the chance to do just that..

 

It almost sounds like you haven't met the right women. This attitude is common with younger girls, they see so many of that bitchy behavior in high school. But not all women are like that. I mean, do you hate yourself for being "bitchy and gossipy" or do you realize you're different? Because if It's the latter, then you aren't going to be alone. Other women like you do exist.

I don't mean this as an attack btw, I actually understand where you're coming from because I used to be like you. However, now, my best friend is a woman. She's not bitchy, she's not gossipy, she's not super hyper feminine. We both are very similar. We don't gossip, talk about dresses, make-up, or any of that kind of thing. We talk about art, video games, and whatever's in our life at the moment. If I refused to make female friends, I would have missed out on this amazing person.

Keep in mind that there are problems with friends of all genders. Male friends aren't perfect either. I mean, so many of them befriend women so they can try to sleep with them and then blow up in your face and call you a bitch if you say no. The friendzone concept makes having male friends as a woman be FULL of drama. I don't understand why some women think men are less drama. I get more drama from guy friends since they only befriend me to sleep with me.

All of it is stereotypes. Look for common interests and avoid petty BS from any gender.

 

Or..it's just the trust issues...i usually just try to push away everyone that could like me or that I like because I'm just too damn dysfunctional.

But luckily..that's something you can work on...it takes a crazy amount of time...but it's doable...so I'll try my best to reach that..i hope you can too.

 

*Typo and grammar issues again. "See so much of that behavior

Trust issues are understandable. I used to mistrust men because I grew up dealing with misogyny my whole life. I hated men for the longest time and wouldn't befriend any because I was scared of being raped by one. I thought men just used women as sex objects and that was that.

That was my issue though that I had to work hard to overcome. I now see that stereotyping people in general isn't helpful and can lead to a divide.

 

I'm in my 30s, and I've never really been able to be friends with women. We might not have the same issues, but I also don't think this is too uncommon and is not always about a lack of comfort with your sexual orientation. I just think it's harder for some women to be friends with other women, regardless of sexual orientation. I'm very much a "one of the guys" kind of woman, not that I'm butch or anything. But I have always felt more comfortable around guys and have an easier time finding common ground/clicking with them. Men almost always like me as a person.

I will say, though, that I do have trust issues and don't like getting close to people or getting too personal, and this is one of the things that bothers me about women socially. With guys, I feel like it's easier to keep conversations to topics, whereas women ask more personal questions and, I feel like, want to know your business. My typical experience with/observation of women is they use personal info they get against you--especially when you two have a conflict--or talk about it behind your back, like to put you down behind your back. I'm not saying all women do this, but these are the experiences that stand out to me trying to socialize with women. Men talk about people behind their backs, too, but there have been many women I've been around whom I felt like that's all they did--with men, it's not nonstop, so it's easier to forget they might do it to you, too.

I was bullied for years in school by girls, too (essentially every year of K-8th grade), and I'd usually hang out with boys to have some socialization at school. So, I think that's always there...I almost always feel uncomfortable around other women and I think it's because I worry about conflict or bad attitudes.

If you think about it, it's not like male-female attraction results in men and women being friends in large percentages. Attraction does not equal understanding or relating. I feel like my relationship with women is, in many ways, typical male-female stuff, but particularly as far as not being able to relate to most women and them being kind of foreign to me (almost everyone in my family is a woman, too, and I still feel like women are foreign species). For me, it's like women are so gorgeous--and many are so feminine--but nothing else about them would make me choose to desire them, if it had been a choice, lol, regardless of how different they are from each other (i.e. bitchy vs friendly, gossippy vs quiet or whatever). But I also think it's the same for hetero men and hetero women towards each other.

Oh, and I do want to get close to a woman. My issue with closeness is at work and just other places where I'm with women I have very little social interest in, in any form. If I'm interested in you romantically, it's different, but I still don't feel comfortable with you because now I don't know what to do. Also, for me, men are less drama because I find it easier not to even become friends with them. We talk and joke at work, and that's it--no phone numbers, no hanging out, nothing. When I was younger and we hung out/talked on the phone or IM, we had the sex/dating issues. Women, though, act entitled to my friendship/personal business and they're either very pushy about it or they get mad and consider me stuck-up and all this (I don't really want friends anymore at this point, whether male or female, but, especially at work, friendship is not my focus).

 

Not all women are like the ones you describe. My best friend and I are both women and we are legit disgusted by hearing anyone's sex lives. We aren't even prudish. We will talk about sex if It's educational/general, but it never involves real people's sex lives or business, We would both be disgusted if anyone asks us, and her other female friend is disgusted hearing it as well.

In my experience, some men want personal details and they gossip just as much. If anything, men are far worse gossips. They just act nicer to you if they want to get in your pants, but are rarely genuine about it. If you were not a "hot girl" most men wouldn't even bother trying to be nice to you and interact with you at all. Both genders are pretty catty for that reason. Just saying. lol Jesus christ, the men I know are worse gossips than a group of old women. It's freaking embarrassing.

Maybe find a hobby where you can talk to like minded women about it. Find women into more "masculine" activities like video games, computers, sports, what not. They exist and can be found in clubs. You just need to actually bring up an interesting topic of conversation.

---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 03:31 PM ----------

I can actually relate to your problems with people getting too personal though. I also had a lesbian friend who would only talk about lesbian relationships, sex, and issues. Got aggravating after a while since I don't have much interest in dating (right now) and am more conservative about sex. She also made it an issue to invalidate my sexuality and assume I was straight if I had male friends, admitted to liking male characters, or wrote hetero fanfiction. Got old after a while. But luckily I have friends that don't do this now, and I would have missed out on them if I wrote them off because of gender.