I found this site in June and all of you really helped me. I was able to admit my feelings to myself and come out to my wife and friends that I'm bisexual. Even after coming out, I kept second guessing myself. For the past month, I have been really stressed because my wife is about to take some really dangerous medication that might kill her. I felt completely straight during this time and going through a lot of anger. I started having a few performance problems in bed. Finally for Christmas, we went on vacation and I got to see my family and unwind. Laughing my ass off for the holidays seems to have kicked the anger and depression. Suddenly I feel really really gay. I have never felt this strongly about men before. I remember someone asking me if I was okay with the possibility of being gay and I wasn't able to even consider it. I couldn't accept it then and I am afraid to come out at work. I hate this and I'm confused. I cannot really be confused about liking women, can I? I mean I always loved boobs and going down on women. Lately though, boobs are not having the effect they used to have and it's weird. Am I just suppressing the queer part of me? Is it possible to just shift attractions? Part of me really wants to experiment with men. I've only ever been with my wife. How do you find peace? :bang:
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Perhaps you should let go by your transitory sexual urges for the moment and wait until there is a more opportune moment to act on them (if you so choose) and they prove to be persistent. I think it's pretty common for guys to have sexual urges for other men from time to time even if they are mostly straight oriented. I hope I understood your situation accurately.
Just taking a guess here - but I know from experience going through a medical issue with a loved one is very traumatic. My questions - Do you think the stress over worrying about your wife has somehow caused you to shut down emotionally towards her? For me, I have dealt with this personally. My brain will go into auto-detachment kind of as a protectant against feeling the pain, worry, stress and heartache of possible loss. I that is what happened to you, I would say it is perfectly normal to have a heightened awareness of being gay and to be less attracted to women right now. That's kind of how it works. You fear about the loss of someone you love and so your mind just makes it - disappear so to speak. Then there's less emotion involved when - if the tragedy occurs. It is the only way I cope. My detachment skills were learned from my childhood abuse, but there are plenty of causes why one's brain will revert to this method of dealing. You just have to know it's normal, doesn't mean you love any less or are really attracted any less or more either way. It will revert back to what you feel is the normal for you when the stress has passed. That's my take on it from your post.
Good point. I never considered this. She has been sick for years now, but maybe it's the added stress of the more dangerous medications. That has been frustrating. Coming out to her was the first step into realizing we had a lot of issues. We worked them out over the subsequent months and we could be so happy, but she has been getting progressively sicker. I've been distant. The illnesses have made her gain a lot of weight and immobilized her partially. Sex is rare and difficult because of them. Thanks. I guess I'll try to be more compassionate. Maybe focusing on acceptance. I just feel a new attraction to men and I'm really frustrated. Maybe I'm just being selfish. I just wish my problems could be solved by hours and days of meaningless sex. I know I need to just accept that she is sick and it's out of our control, but I cannot seem to go there. Well for a month I couldn't. I've been laughing so much this past week, my brain thinks it's happy, now might be a good time. Thanks for listening.
I think that everything you say sounds pretty normal to me. The second-guessing can be endless. And I have had that back-and-forth experience. You feel so unambiguously straight one day and just as unambiguously gay the next. And it makes you crazy until you don't know which way is up. I wouldn't worry about that too much. I accept that my attractions to women were real, and my relationships with them involved genuine emotions and even good sex. But that's not where I am now, and it doesn't much matter. Was I "really gay" when I was with women? I didn't think so at the time. And I'm not sure it's even a meaningful question. What matters is that I see myself as gay now and am content with that. It seems pretty clear that your are dealing with two major developments in life, and the stress you feel over one will affect your response to another. It's not as if we can separate all of this stuff and put it into orderly piles. A word like "selfish" is, I think, too harsh. What bunnydee says about auto-detachment makes sense to me.
