This is a good day. I am once again filled with energy to fight for the future, and not in small measure due to talking with all you wonderful people. I have this feeling to go out and shout my message to the world. It goes something like this: World you won't bring me down! You can't bring me down! I won't allow it. I am to awesome and have too much left to do in my life to be brought down. Yeah sure, you threw me more than a fair share of curve balls, and you didn't make it easy for me but you know what ? I'm not gonna complain, I'm not going to lay down my guns. I'm just gonna push right back, like I always did. I am going to fight tooth and (fabulous polished) nail for it. You put me in a body I don't feel at home with ? Fine, I'll figure a way to make it comfortable, and once I do I will teach others with similar problems to do the same! You put in an trans-phobic unaacepting society, with people who hate me even though all I did was love them? Fine! I will fight to change it to be more accepting, and to educate those people! You gave me a tough childhood, filled with physical and emotional abuse, and depression! Fine! I came out of it stronger and more determined to build myself into a titan who will never be brought down and will never accept abuse again! I fought and even managed to change my parents' perception on it, and help them with their own issues that they never knew they had! In spite of the self doubts placed there by matters I had no control over I've grown, travelled the world and learned a lot, I learned to trust in me and my own feelings, created unique things, made great friends, touched in a positive way the lives of many many of people and achieved more than many "normal" folks dream to achieve an entire lifetime! And I'm not going to let you and this dysphoria dull the light of these achievements! And yes, maybe I don't have a traditional family and kids, and yes you took my loved one away from me so I am a bit lonely now but this Won't bring me down! Yes I still cry sometimes when i look in the mirror but this is a healthy momentary weakness and I emerge on the other side a bit stronger every time. The war* is*not* effin' over! You won't bring me down. You can't bring me down. I won't allow it! :tantrum!)(*hug*):eusa_danc
Thank you mnguy, Rachyl for the nice words and thank you again bunnydee for the suggestion. Seeing the message on the fridge this morning did make quite a difference Good day vibes are worth sharing and hanging on to .
Thank you Lynz Thank you baristajedi . What else can we do but keep fighting ?. This past week, writing here, reading about the experiences of so many people I had so many Aha! moments I lost count. The entire experience so far has been so marvellous tremendously eye opening for me in a lot of ways. Thank you for being here. Thank you for posting. Thank you for sharing your experiences and opinions. For instance in the last 30 minutes... I kept going though some previous threads , re-read them, pondered upon them and a thought crystallised in my head: what if the fact that I was seeing myself a bisexual is just a psychological defence and a fundamental lie? Looking at my past relationships, s obvious I am attracted to manly behaviour and attitudes. I find them hot as hell. However before being able to admit admitting to myself that my mind and identity are fundamentally feminine, (and no other identity is magically gonna appear to take their place place), I was only allowing myself to seek those manly qualities in masculine-behaving women. I had only one relationship with a feminine woman, my first one, and I ended it because I felt no "magic". And I had started it only because of social pressure. I definitely admire feminine behaviour and can be friends with feminine women, but to be sexually interested in someone he or she needs to exhibit some seriously manly behaviour. But that's not what being bisexual really is. That's being a straight woman, or a gay man, who will always fall in love with masculine traits.
It sounds like you are making a lot of progress on learning about you, that's amazing. I have found it challenging at times to distinguish my sense of my gender, how I feel about me, and what I want in my partner. So I can relate to a lot of the pieces of your thought process.
