I think my first message in the Welcome forum went a bit long, so I'll try to shorten things here. I've been married for a long time but we haven't been sexually active for quite some time (although at the beginning it was great). Recently, I've started noticing that I'm noticing women. I'm definitely crushing on a woman at work. Sometimes I feel really happy, I'm discovering this part of myself that's been lurking a long time, and sometimes I'm down because I feel really isolated. I did tell one friend who lives out of state, in a really brief conversation, and she is supportive. I am wary of telling my local friends because I don't want them to inadvertently say something around my husband. I don't quite know what to do with myself, if I'm ever going to act on these new desires or what. I guess I'm looking for advice and just someone to communicate with.
Fluxwildly, Welcome to Empty Closets! EC has been a really valuable resource for me. I've written a post that may pertain to some of your questions. I think that we sometimes have barriers to knowing our sexuality because of the culture we're in. We get all kinds of messages, some overt and some not so, that tell us that being not straight is shameful, wrong, evil, etc. I don't know if you're aware of the messages you've gotten in your life about sexuality, but it might be a good time to reflect on how you have been taught to think of sexual orientation. If you were exposed to homophobia growing up you likely are seeing the topic (regardless of your actual orientation) through a lens of distortion. I go into this more in my post, and of course I've written it only from my perspective, so please take with a grain of salt. I'm absolutely certain you're not too old to be "new", and that living authentically (however you define it for yourself) is the only way to be "new". I wish you the best and look forward to hearing more about your journey! Patrick
Welcome to a EC! :welcome: You're not alone. There are a lot of us on here coming out later in life. Like Patrick, I've found EC to be an incredibly valuable resource for me. Keep writing and reading other people's posts. I also found it helped as you're doing, to come out to specific people. Another great source of support is reaching out to the lgbt community around you. Do you have an LGBT centre? Meetups? Finding other people going through a similar experiences is so helpful. I've become completely immersed in the LGBT community here and it's helped me enormously. You're making s brave step by coming out to yourself.
welcome coming out to yourself is both the hardest/scariest step and the most freeing/empowering because it's the first step on the journey. lots of folks here who are later in life, myself included. lots of help here as well, please join in.
Thank you so much for your support. Patrick, that post is wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. It helps me get a handle on finding my own answers.
Hi fluxwildly. I too have only recently discovered my attraction to women. I think its really important for you to have a gay or bisexual friend you can talk to 'in real life', as well as the wonderful people on this site. In recent weeks, I joined a lesbian dating/networking site called pink sofa and said I was only looking to make new friends. Through that I made contact with a woman who is also a late bloomer and we have met in person for coffee.
fluxwildly, its never to late regardless of your age. I came out for the first time at 48! No regrets either. the advice Carmel gives above is very wise. a dating or networking site is very valueable and can certainly help you on your journey.
Fluxwildly it's awesome that you are reaching out here to communicate with others. Even doing this is a step in gaining clarity/support for what you are experiencing! All of us here are older (I'm 49) and have faced or are facing some of the same struggles, so keep on visiting this site and connecting here. Like others have suggested though I feel it is important that you have some 'real life' people who can help you process all this. You have been married a long time and this is all new. I do understand your concerns about discussing this with your local friends at this point. I am not sure if you are seeing a therapist, but if not I would suggest this. I have been seeing a therapist (male) for a while and therapy has been invaluable in many areas of my life; particularly around my ability to acknowledge my sexuality. A good therapist will give you a safe place to express yourself with complete honesty, and assist you in making changes that lead you to live a more authentic life--whatever that may be. Therapy would also give you a chance every week or two to communicate with a real life person safely. It could go a long way to making you feel less isolated. Also, if you search online you may be able to find meet ups or support groups far enough away from your local community but close enough for you to still be able to drive to. I found one in my state but unfortunately it's 2 hours away which is definitely too far to drive! But I'll keep looking! You are not alone and you are not 'too old to be new'!
