1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming out late in life survival kit

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I wanted to start a thread where we can help eachother get through the rough times in our coming out journey. So I thought we could share things that give us strength, courage, pride, encouragement or humour to pull us through the points where it's all getting too much.

    Share your challenges, fears and progress as well. For me, the challenges at this point are getting through the invalidating discussions with my soon to be ex husband, staying strong for the conversations we will be having with our daughter, staying encouraged when I have to play the repressive, straight performance for the numerous people who we're not sharing this with yet.

    My survival kit includes:

    Queer friends: my queer friends have been a huge source of strength for me

    Safe spaces/queer spaces: it feels really good to be in places where I know I'm around other LGBTQ folks

    Queer music playlist: fast, slow, funny, inspiring...I've now got a massive playlist of queer songs on Spotify

    Wine and chocolate: for obvious reasons

    LGBTQ podcasts, FB feeds, and so on

    My pride bracelet: I wear this every day

    Allies: I've got my straight friend a true work who has been amazingly supportive and friends/family at home (far away but still helpful) who loves every no matter what



    What's in your survival kit?
     
  2. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    *at work; who love me no matter what
     
  3. bunnydee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2016
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Great idea here, baristajedi!

    Working on mine - still in progress.

    1st question though - what do you consider queer music? Name some songs please.

    My survival kit started with quotes from people here. Ones that hit me hard, made me face truth, inspired me, or kept me going.

    I also ordered a gay/lesbian pride neck chain to wear.
     
  4. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Awesome bunnydee! Rock your gay/lesbian neckband!! Go you!

    Oh yes, EC, that's in my survival kit too!

    Queer music: I wonder if it's against the rule to link my Spotify list...probably. So for me, queer music includes songs with queer themes, most music by queer artists, and then some fsongs for me the aren't necessarily queer but have really helped me or resonated with me in some way.

    So...
    -Tegan and Sara (all their stuff)
    -Queen (pretty much all their stuff)
    -Bowie (a lot of his stuff)
    -Garbage have a lot of queer music
    -Scissor Sisters (anything by them)
    -Rufus Wainwright (all his stuff)
    -Belle and Sebastian (all their stuff)
    -Rise Like a Phoenix by Conchita Wurst
    -Homo Rainbow by Ween
    -Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack


    I'll add more...that's a start :slight_smile: I need to grab a bus
     
    Anne1972 likes this.
  5. WarmEmbrace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2016
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Bucharest
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Fantastic idea BaristaJedi :slight_smile:

    In my kit there are (not in any particular order)
    1. The knowledge that no matter what my sexual orientation or gender is I am kickass and there are many friends and achievements that can attest to that when my own subconcious mind puts me down :slight_smile:. The equivalent of the Iam one with the Force and the Force is with me mantra :slight_smile:

    2. Energetic songs.Queer factor optional.
    Frank Miller-Get better is a much better way to start the day than anything by Broken Bells.

    3. My cat :slight_smile:.

    4 My therapist and the books she reccomends :slight_smile:

    5.The friends and family whoom I have come out to.

    6. Being creative( drawing, cooking)

    7. You wonderful people from EC. (&&&)

    8. Dancing/singing/gym
     
  6. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ok a few more:

    - True Colours by Cyndi Lauper
    - What I Am by Erie Brickell
    - I need more Madonna, but she's a good one (I know I'm so showing my age with this list)
    - New soul by Yael Naim
    - She was a Boy by Yael Naim
    - I Feel It All by Feist
    - Freedom; Faith by George Michael
    - Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed
    - Bitch by Meredith Brooks
    - Runnin' (Lose it All) by Naughty Boy
    - Born this Way by Lady Gaga
    - a few by the New Pornographers: Challengers; Go Places; My Rights Versus Yours
    - Beyoncé

    I think those are the highlights... I know I have an eclectic music taste

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 01:30 AM ----------

    Autocorrect.... *Edie Brickell


    I love all of these!! #1 is inspiring :slight_smile: you are kickass!! And I love the Star Wars tie in, nice one :wink:
     
  7. WarmEmbrace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2016
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Bucharest
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Thank you for the lovely words, and for setting this in motion, was much needed (*hug*) .

    If you need more from Madonna, wholeheartedly recommend Vogue, :grin:.
    (Had Freedom by George Michael blasting in my headset in the subway on my way to work :slight_smile:, so hard to resist doing some stealth-tiny dance steps while waiting :icon_bigg ).
     
  8. bunnydee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2016
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Love the song list! I will definitely work on one for me. I'm probably going to go through yours and listen - some I know and love, some I don't recognize but may know.

    I am going to add to my survival kit one very important thing -
    At least 1x a week, do something I want to do just for me.
    Doing for myself has never been priority, and it needs to be.
     
  9. WarmEmbrace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2016
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Bucharest
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Frank TURNER - get better
    Not Miller. :slight_smile: Different Frank :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 12:19 PM ----------

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB4Avdlz3lk

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 12:21 PM ----------

    Yes, a thousand times yes! :slight_smile:
     
  10. BrookeVL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    2,157
    Likes Received:
    293
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Vodka is probably a bad answer....
     
  11. WarmEmbrace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2016
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Bucharest
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Just a bit may be okay, but if you drink to numb yourself, definitely not. That's just hiding from it all, but in a different fashion (*hug*). It is natural to be sad for a moment, but don't be self destructive. GEt it out of your system, then fet back in the saddle and go get what you want :kiss:.

    PS: I think this will cheer you up : https://vimeo.com/53453075 :slight_smile: Sorry if you have seen it already :slight_smile:.
     
  12. lonewolf79

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Cape Town, South Africa
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wish I had a survival kit when I came out. Makes aqesome sense. Cool idea.
     
  13. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    for me, to start;
    distraction
    meditation
    sleep
    dressing at home
    my support groups
    here
    looking at cute guys, and some girls on the 'net
    chocolate
    wine
    target shooting (like a zen moment)
    more to come....
     
  14. BrookeVL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    2,157
    Likes Received:
    293
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Either that's not in English, or I'm really that drunk.....
     
  15. WarmEmbrace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2016
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Bucharest
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    It starts in German, but the funny part doesn't require knowing the language :slight_smile:
     
  16. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Anybody feels like adding more music to the list, please do!

    Warmembrace- I will add vogue I think, I love madonna! That YouTube clip was hilarious.

    Bunnydee - good for you, you should so something just for you, that's necessary!

    Cluster, pass the bottle, I'll share some vodka with you...

    Lonewolf - what about a survival kit for now, if you need it, what would you put in your kit?

    Lookingforme, great list, let's share some wine and chocolate :slight_smile:
     
  17. BrookeVL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    2,157
    Likes Received:
    293
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It was funny. lol

    Sure Barista!
     
  18. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    any time.
     
  19. BenFreeman

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    south of north
    Music is powerful therapy. I listen to my fave guitarist (bucketheaed). its not queer music but it blows the stress out of my head.

    wearing lots of male cologne...
     
  20. IrishJ

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    East Coast
    Evening Barista et al.

    Funny when I first started considering my divorce/coming out, I started a needs list on an on-line site that I use for my journal. As much as I love music, I never thought to add this to my list.

    For me in addition to much of the above,

    The Smiths, Billy Bragg, The Bad Plus, Bon Iver, Belle & Sebastian, Jeff Buckley, Elliot Smith, so many more