Hi, im new to these types of blogs :newcolor: . I've made my first contact with my GP, and they have done a referral to a GIC in London, UK. I'm so scared about socially transitioning and am worried im going to get told by the psychiatrist that I don't have gender dysphoria and therefor wont receive HRT or support. ive never felt that i was in the right body. Every time I shower / have a bath, i feel disgusted and a strong hatred for my genitals. I am not sexually active anymore because it doesn't feel right. I don't even self pleasure :icon_sad: When i think of myself in the future, I don't see a man, I see a middle aged woman enjoying life settled down and happy. I hate the fact i grow facial hair, and constantly feel lost and not at peace. I'm so excited to be starting this journey, but I am also so anxious. Is anyone else experiencing these feelings? or am I just chatting utter :***: ? Thanks for reading, and I look forward to all your input.
I'm no expert but that sounds like gender dysphoria to me. You appear to know exactly how you feel so just communicate that and I'm sure you'll get whatever help you need to move forward. I'm sure GPs don't refer people to a GIC lightly. There has to be something there for them to do it. Would it make you feel better to write down all your "evidence"? Are there any questionnaires on the web to help people sort out their feelings regarding their gender? Maybe you could put together your answers to take with you. I think that will help you feel calmer about moving forward and also "arm" yourself with documentation. Just a thought. Good luck!
Hi tommebbo, You are making a brave step working towards becoming the full and real you. Good for you making these steps. I don't have experience with the gender clinic personally but I have friends who do (i'm also in the uk). From what I understand, they are very sensitive towards their patients. And i believe they would recognise and acknowledge your gender dysphoria. For your own best interests, they do work towards making certain you are indeed needing HRT and further steps for transition. This is more in terms of setting up a timeline that allows them to see you are consistently living/needing to live in the gender you identify with. I understand your fears, but just go in and represent things honestly, ask questions, do your research. Do you have any trans support groups near you that you can connect to? It's so helpful to talk to others who have been through the process.
Yeah when i told my GP about my feelings, the first thing she said is "lets do a referral to a GIC". I do feel lucky because my GP has some understanding of trans issues and has completed some training for the NHS protocol. ive done all that, making a list of how my gender dysphoria affects me socially, mentally, physically and how i perceive myself in the future. :eusa_clap ---------- Post added 15th Jan 2017 at 08:38 PM ---------- Not going to lie, I haven't looked at any local trans support groups. I have one friend who is a trans woman (pre-HRT at the moment, but undergoing assessment) but find it hard to engage with her, as I like to discuss my future; including surgeries, but she doesn't. She is very closed with herself if that makes sense. (&&&)
Well, a friend of mine (he's trans), lived in London a few years ago, and he said there was a really great trans group that would meet up (for both transmen and women), not sure if they still meet, but it's worth looking into. I've always found LGBTQ support groups incredibly valuable for my growth and my sense of feeling less alone.
I'm going to have a search today, so thank you for your advice. I know this sounds stupid, but i feel like the GIC won't validate my feelings. because ive got to the stage where I rarely cry anymore, and just get on with it. I'm constantly pushing the feeling to the back of my mind, so learnt to adapt to it. :help:
Its not an irrational fear, I get it, they have power over this huge aspect of your life. But thankfully, the system in the UK is reasonable from what I've been told. And you know who you are, you know on a gut level that you're a woman. Keep that feeling close to your heart, we all have doubts, we live in a society that amplifies those doubts, but you know you. Making friends in the same boat really does help. I know it has made a huge difference for me. And you can always find likeminded people on here to help you feel a bit better about your doubts. Big hugs (*hug*). Good luck at your appointment, and keep us updated!
If you don't mind me asking, have you started HRT? Or started your appointments with the GIC? x ---------- Post added 16th Jan 2017 at 04:43 PM ---------- Thank you. Its amazing the level of support I am receiving from this website. I have told a couple of close friends (which fully understand, and they have made it clear that nothing changes at all. I'm still the same person that they became friends with, and they will continue to help and support as much as they can in this time of transition.) but am scared to take it to the next level and tell my dad, mum and sister. My mum and dad are long separated, and my sister lives on the coast with her OH. To be honest, im not bothered about my mums reaction (had a bad upbringing, story for another thread!) but constantly worry about my dads and sisters. I genuinely think my sister will be so understanding but not sure about my dads. He has asked me if I am gay before. I don't see myself as gay, but a straight woman unfortunately trapped in a mans physical body. My dads side of the family are strict Catholic, so that's the worry. They are "against" all things like the LGBT community and don't fully understand or appreciate the daily struggle. Maybe im just working myself up, not to sure right now.
Good for you sharing it with a couple of your friends, that's a big step! I'm so glad they were so supportive as well. I understand your fears in coming out to your family. If you do think your sister will be supportive, maybe aim to tell her first, and she can provide support when you feel safe and ready to tell your dad. Also if you worry about his reaction perhaps you can be ready with some resources that can help him understand. Just remember that if he reacts badly, he may still come around in time. Your truth is important, hopefully your dad will see that. Do you have s good relationship with him in general?
I have not begun HRT yet, however I'm hoping to in the coming weeks. We don't have clinics like that here, but the women's clinic here offers a wonderful trans health program.
Hello Tommebbo, welcome to EC I do resonate with what you are saying a LOT . I've went through all of it, and then some. There is absolutely no reason to actually fear what your therapist will say, as long as you are honest with them and with yourself about what you are feeling; that honesty is what will bring out the truth (either to this therapist or to another), and will ultimately this honesty and this truth about yourself will be what makes you happy, and heals that dysphoria, feeling of being "wrong". A gender or sex or sexual orientation is never inherently wrong, all genders and sexes are wonderful and have their place in the world. The problem is that we are miserable because for some reason, we feel parts of us are mis-aligned ( for instance what we desire vs how we look like). We are not.. congruent on this aspect . That's what generates the dysphoric feeling. That is the problem. That is what needs to go away. In some instances, that is done via transitioning ( to various degrees) and that's great. In other cases people find the power to accept themselves as they are, and love themselves without the physical changes, and figure out ways to be genuinely happy in their originally mis-aligned body. Both outcomes take great strength, and both are to be lauded. Our true goal on this should always be to lessen that dysphoria, to be able to be happy, and you cannot be happy (transition or no transition) if you don't fight tooth and nail to be honest with yourself first ... And if you are honest with yourself, a good therapist will see that . There is thus no need to fear . (*hug*) One of the big mistakes ( in my opinion) that people often make ( and sabotage themselves) due to just wanting the anxiety and pain to go away ASAP, is to try and self diagnose based on what they read online, and ( even worse) decide before even talking to a therapist that they already know everything there is to know, that what their conscious mind feels is beyond any questioning, and they just need the therapist to "sign the paper". It may sound counter intuitive, but some people, who fight hard to trick their therapist and because of that actually get mis-diagnosed, don't intend transition in order to be happy, they transition because they need (sub-consciously) to self destruct; but they never get to understand realize that, and they don't get help with that because they never gave their therapist a fair chance. That's part of why we get a high post transition suicide rate. Have the courage to let them do their job, and trust them. If you feel they are not well prepared, find another therapist that is well prepared. But above all be honest with the last fiber of your heart. Yes it means opening up. Yes it means giving up control. Yes it means being vulnerable. But it also means being authentic to yourself. If you cannot do that, transitioning is just like running away from your psychological problem by moving to a different city ( except in this case, it is a different body). The problems will still be there with you when you arrive. So, be honest. No fear about the diagnosis . That honesty will bring you out of the storm, and into the sun, and you WILL be happy, no matter what . (*hug*)
