After over two years of near-celibacy (with the exception of a few experiments with men), I've recently started dating women again. I had a date the other night that went well and ended in sex. It's been quite awhile, but it all came back -- like riding a bike Anyway, I noticed a couple of things. First, all the meds I'm on are definitely having an impact on my performance. I'm not the sex god I used to be :dry: More importantly, I realized the next day just how much of an ego trip I get from taking a new girl to bed. It's like I just won some kind of major prize. I don't tell anyone, but I savor the feeling of knowing "I won" for days. And then I want more -- more notches on my belt. Now that I'm older I have a bit more perspective on this. It seems like really adolescent thinking. Also, I wonder if it's a kind of homophobia at work: "See? I just bagged a chick so I can't be a homo. High-fives!" Anyway I thought it would be good to tell on myself here and see if anyone has some thoughts on the matter.
Sounds really great! Gaining experience to find out what works for you and not being bound by labels!
I think what you're describing is fairly normal, although there may be some internalized homophobia. If you "brought back" a guy would you feel as good about it? How do you feel about your orientation overall? In my opinion most men are geared toward feeling pride in getting a sexual reward; it's in our biology. That being said, I also think that internalized homophobia can have a really big impact on what we consider something worthy of being "proud" of. I also think it's possible for a man to play a game something like: "see, I can't be gay if I can attract women..." In any event, I share your feelings at times, and I am not a kiss-and-tell guy either. If you want to explore your sexuality further I've written a blog entry on my thoughts. I hope you're might find it helpful. Patrick
Thanks guys. With men, I haven't really had satisfying encounters yet, but I have felt a kind of exhilaration and pride at doing something that has scared me so much, and of making myself vulnerable.
