My life right now, from the outside, looks like a mess. A woman who was supposed to be settled down with her husband and daughter, totally disrupting that life, going through a separation in a foreign country, far from everyone I love. But I wouldn't trade any of this mess for any "normal", "settled" version of my life. For some reason, that notion of being settled, having a family, chasing some kind of fairytale, that provided such a strong motivation for me to choose a straight life, get married and live a life that wasn't true or right for me. Since coming out I feel so much more alive, I can say out loud to others, with confidence, who I am, I've learned to face huge fears, I've found a confidence and strength in simply just being me. I've learned to make deeper friendships, to be vulnerable and take risks. I've found a huge community of supportive loving friends. The feelings I have being with this new woman as well, it's like something inside me has woken up, like a piece of myself that I've decided to lock away is now free. It's indescribable, but it just feels right and real and raw and natural. I'm not even sure how to articulate that feeling. My journey has been a long one, starting at age 10 really, but in the last year and a half specifically, I've gone through some really intense emotions, some huge changes, and the result is this feeling of being alive, fuller, and more real and true to me. And each day I'm more and more confident and proud of being gay, having a blurred sense of my gender, and really just being me. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.
Awesome! I'm feeling a lot of pride and hopefulness in my life right now, too. It's been so great for me to come out. Good for you, barista!
Thanks Adray! You've come a long way, I'm glad you're feeling hopeful and prideful. I think sometimes that this journey, because it's forced me to look deeply at what I need, and to fight for it, that it results in a more rewarding experience than I might have had if I'd been born straight and always fit the "normal" life path.
so proud of you and your courage on this path. you laying it all out here is very courageous and so helpful in allowing us to see reflections of you and ourselves (well me...) in your posts and lovely questionings. (*hug*)thanks
Thanks lookingforme! It means a lot tonne to rhat our find my posts helpful in your reflection . You help me reflect quite a lot as well.
You articulate that feeling beautifully. I always love reading your posts because they describe so well what i am feeling but can't put the words together.... The part about the fears.. its amazing how scared I was of all of this....I think I was scared when I thought it was about "a sex urge" that didn't fit in with the rest of my life, but like you say I now feel so much more alive....
