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I want it all

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. baristajedi

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    I wrote a thread not long ago about mixed feelings about this new woman I'm dating. I'm realising today that those mixed feelings are coming from a really confusing set of feelings in general about myself, my needs, and where I am on my journey.


    I suppose I've reached a point in my journey where I love being gay, I'm so glad I've come out and I'm ready, so ready to live my life and be me. I not only accept being gay, I'm proud of it, I love that I can be me, and i don't regret my past anymore, but I know I've got a lot of lost time to make up for. This means I want all at once, immediately all the experiences that I've not had yet in my life. But of course I can only do one thing at a time, so where do I start?

    What I want is - I want time just to myself, as a gay woman, with this perspective and confidence that I've grown to have in the process of coming out; I want the no strings kind of experiences with women, ie like a one night stand; I want the meaningful but casual kind of relationships; I want the long term relationship, and I want the person i can settle down with. Obviously I know I have to do only one of these things at a time, but I'm feeling all of these feelings at once. I feel this sort of restless feeling and an assortment of all of those kinds of feelings.

    And of course, *all* of those things are on hold until I am actually living separately from my ex. I'm able to date casually, but none of the the other stuff I mention is possible.

    Anyway I think a lot of these restless feelings + my limitations in my living situation + all the newness of being with a woman (which leaves me feeling so many good and also vulnerable feelings), all of that reflects in how I'm feeling about this woman. But that's it's own sort of issue..


    Anyway, can anyone relate to these restless feelings? To this jumble of feelings? These multiple conflicting needs?
     
  2. looking for me

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    you've been listening to Queen again.....:lol:

    and yes I can relate, I want the long term comfort, the hot steamy one nighter, the quiet me time, all of that. and yes I want it nowwww.....

    but im also limited with a teenager at home, and fear if im "good enough" disliking being vulnerable but also disliking being the calm cool collected one.

    I love my alone time but I also crave time with someone I care about.

    what can I say, im a complicated chick.:icon_wink
     
  3. bunnydee

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    Yep - going through exactly the same thing. I want it all, and for once I am not ashamed or scared to want it. But like you, biding my time until I am out of my husband's house and on my own.
     
  4. baristajedi

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    I knew you'd catch the Queen reference :slight_smile: l

    Yes, all of what you're saying is what I'm feeling! I guess I have to be content with taking each day as it comes. How do you get a clear perspective for yourself of what you really need? I suppose that's the time for self care that we've talked about, right? Alone time and quiet and just being still.

    ps complicated chicks, like yourself, rock!

    ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2017 at 02:12 AM ----------

    It's so nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. Bunnydee, I think that's a huge step forward, not feeling ashamed to want what you really want. Good for you!
     
  5. NYCer

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    Yes, I want it all, too. I'm 46 yo. Ideally I would like a romantic, emotionally close relationship with a woman where the sex is awesome, but I am very happy and willing to have sex without the relationship along the way, which I have done and I enjoy very much. By far the best sex I've ever had in my life; I almost consider sex that I've had with men not really sex at all.
     
  6. baristajedi

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    I feel the same about much of my past, like the sex with men was just the mechanics of sex.
     
  7. Bikermm

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    I can't really add much as you are further along the road to being yourself than I am but yes I want it all too.

    I have just had a holiday in the Canary Islands with my bestie and some lesbian friends who I am out to and for the first time in my life I was me all day every day. It was awesome and I haven't relaxed and laughed so much ever.

    I also found I am really good with hair straighteners so was in much demand before nights out and all the girls were fighting over me to "their poof" to get them ready. Sounds awful but it was meant nicely in a jokey way

    Yes I want it all too. I had a naughty night with a lovey man I met which was great with much p**s taking about me doing the "walk of shame" back to the villa in the morning by the girls, who also did the same I might add :grin: I had snuggles (with the girls) which was awesome as it was not sexual at all, just friends all in bed laughing. Not really sure how to explain what I mean on that one so i hope you understand?

    So yes, now I have had a real "taste" of what it could be like I want it all. Now please!

    I am also stuck in the same house as my ex so in the same position as you that way but hopefully just for a few more weeks. I can't wait to be me!

    You saying that you love being gay and are proud of it and have shaken your regrets off has just made me hurt my cheeks smiling. i am so happy for you and hope one day soon I will be saying the same.

    Thank you for proving there is light at the end of the tunnel as I was just hoping there was, now I am sure :kiss:
     
  8. baristajedi

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    It sounds like you're heading in a great direction, bikermm! I hope your next few weeks move quickly and smoothly.

    It has taken me a long time to feel like I can just be me, and it really is a wonderful feeling. (*hug*) :kiss: