So I've been seeing this 25 yo girl for the past month or so, about once per week (I'm 46 yo). I met her off some dating app. We've had sex every time we met, and each time it's literally been the best sex I ever had, but I've started becoming obsessed about it during the day such that it is interfering with my work and I've been missing her very much. I know the relationship is primarily sexual but I think it's beginning to become a little emotional as well. Not sure what to do, if anything, but I'm afraid I've become maybe too obsessed/addicted. She only wants to see me once per week, on the weekends, which is fine with me, as I have kids at home and logistically it would be difficult, but I've become obsessed with having sex with her during the week. Even before I met her, a therapist I used to see thought I was some kind of sex addict just based on my thoughts--because I sexually objectified women (didn't really see them in a romantic light) and thought about sex with women a lot (like pretty much almost everyday since I was in high school). With this woman I've been seeing, the last time we had sex it was so intense for me that I kept on saying "I love you." I know I really didn't (and I don't think she took it seriously), but I couldn't help myself. I've also met other women I find attractive and fantasize about, so I don't think I'm in love with this woman, but I've become obsessed about sex with her. I told her she is the first person I ever really enjoyed sex with, which is true. I did hookup/date with a few women in my 20s, though my experience then was mixed. I've also had several long-term boyfriends and was also married to a man for 10 years (recently divorced). Actually the sex with her far surpasses any kind of sexual experience I had with anyone ever. Thoughts?
The fact that it's affecting your work is what jumps out at me. It's possible you are obsessed with sex and it can happen with only one partner or with many. Do you enjoy your work? Is it possible that sex is something you enjoy and that measures could be taken to simply give yourself more time to enjoy it and that might help? (That'd be hard with kids around I'd imagine). If you dislike your work could you get involved in something that inspires you more and could take your mind off of the same old? I wish I could help you, as I have the same problem, but other than taking care of myself so to speak and then moving on with my day, I don't have any other advice that might help you.
Morse Code. Yes, even before I met her, I was starting to have obsessive thoughts about lesbian sex/relationships interfering with concentrating on work, which I thought might be relieved once I started having sex IRL, but I find that the obsession continues. My therapist (I don't see her anymore because she moved to Mexico) had said that I'm probably obsessing to avoid some feelings. I never even imagined that I could enjoy sex so much. With this woman for some reason it's just so intense. It does feel like a drug addiction. It feels like someone just injected me with morphine for two hours. But now I feel so unsettled, like I guess I'm going through withdrawal? It's like I won't feel calm again until I have sex with her again.
You like sex. You think about sex. Now you're having great sex and would like it more often. Nothing abnormal about that. It doesn't make you a sex addict. My best guess as to why you're obsessing is because you've started getting something good that you wanted but only infrequently. You also have this new relationship and lots of new emotions and affection for this lady. Who wouldn't be obsessed?
I'm pretty sure I've thought about sex (with men) every day for the last thirty years or so, but I'm guessing most people would just call me "a guy". Other than that, I don't see any reason not to level with her to some degree. "I'm sorry if I got a little weird last weekend with all the 'I love you' talk. I've just never had sex this awesome before, and it's gotten me extremely excited. So, thanks for the awesome sex, and I'll try not to get too weird about it next time. " Lex
